MucheDumbre

I know they’re cold, but there’s nothing I can do, the power’s been off for 4 days now. Maybe another blanket on them and one on the windows will help. It’s still November, it doesn’t get cold enough to freeze to death this early.

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Oh, if only I could have made something other than cold potted meat sandwiches for dinner, maybe they could sleep easier. Atleast there were 2 cookies left, one for each of them. Milk would have made the cookies better, but that’s too much of a luxury to think about. Ha, even Spam is a luxury these days.

shhh…..shhh, I know baby, I know. Here, lay next to your sister, the two of you laying together will help keep you both warm. Yes, I’ll make something better than potted meat for breakfast. How does peanut butter and bananas on crackers sound? I know bread would be better but we ate the last piece at dinner… I know the store is open early, I’ll try and get some in the morning then. No, that’s your school lunch money, you keep it and eat a good hot lunch, really I don’t need it, I’ve got a couple dollars in change, I’ll get some bread. Don’t worry, just get some sleep.

I really don’t know what happened to us. We’ve never been rich or even well-off but we’ve always gotten by. What happened? Where did it go wrong. I try and think of a specific moment, a moment where I can say “AHA! Right There! Right There is where it went bad” But try as I might, I just can’t find that moment.

DAMN! The mortgage! It’s 3 months late today. 2 months is ok, but 3? What am I going to tell them this time? How many times can I beg for more time. Where will we go if they throw us out? The kids can probably stay with my in-laws. They can barely take care of themselves, but it’s better than the camp grounds, I don’t like it out there and there is no way I’m going to let my kids stay out there. I can live with whatever happens, but not them.

That woman today, why did she look at me like she was better than I was? I don’t understand that. I work! I work harder than she does. All she does is sit there and check off the names of who’s next. I went to college damnit, I work 5-6 days a week and another 3 nights a week. I am not asking for a free-handout! Does she think I enjoy coming into the office and asking for help? Does she think that this is somehow fun? That it’s not the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in my life? I am not a drag on society, I work! I pay my taxes, I save part of my check each week, I send my kids to school and make sure they keep their grades up! Yes, I am 3 months behind on my mortgage, my power is turned off and my other utilities are extended well beyond their grace periods, but I didn’t do anything on purpose! I couldn’t stop the price of gas from going up, the price of eggs from doubling, and the price of milk,bread,juice from tripling. Fresh fruits & vegetables? Those are exotic expenditures for us now. I didn’t do anything wrong! I worked harder than I ever had, I had to spend more money because everything cost more, I couldn’t help that the money I was making went down drastically. You can adjust when there’s a gradual incline but the prices tripled in a matter of weeks… my paydays didn’t.

At first it was just a trickle, nothing big. I managed the $20 loss here and the $15 loss there. That was ok because that was our weekly extra spending money and savings. A cheap dinner at Steak ‘n Shake and movie. Maybe a fancy dinner a Carrabba’s and a DVD rental. A little bit in the savings account. Sure, it was nice, but those things could wait. But then one week we lost another $50. That hurt, not much, really just a little but it wasn’t going to be a permanent thing it was going to come back and gas isn’t going to go much higher than $3.50.

Another 2 weeks, gas is up to almost $4 a gallon, total lost wages are now at $225 a week. I wish I could

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pick up more than 2 nights at Burger King, but I’m lucky to have gotten that as a second job,  since this is the 1st summer they haven’t hired high school kids. It’s going to get better soon I know it.

How did I go from being comfortable to paying one bill a month and hoping and praying that I can get enough money to pay the others before they shut them off? I didn’t loose my job, in fact I have 2? So where is all the money going?

$7 for a box of tampons. $3.50 for a box of maxipads, $4 a bottle for midol and 3 girls living in the home.

$7 for instant coffee. $3.75 for the generic coffee creamer, $2.07 for a loaf of bread…. all luxuries, but also necessities. Atleast the coffee can be my breakfast and lunch and the girls can have some kind of sandwichs. The Salvation Army always gives us something that can go on bread.

Atleast gas is down to $1.95. I just wish the prices of everything else were going down also, but they are still rising.

I guess that’s where all it went. I was too accustomed to the luxury if having things like tampons,soft toilet paper, fresh apples,fresh broccoli. It’s healthier to eat turkey sandwiches for after school snacks or weekend lunches, but Ramon noodles are 5 for a $1 and a hungry stomach doesn’t care if it’s filled with junk or healthy food, as long as it’s filled.

I know that I should have paid the cable bill when it was 1 month old, but they let me go to 2 months, now I have to pay both and that’s just a fantansy. Same with water and power. I was doing so good too. I had it down to a science, pay water short by $10. Use that $10 to pay for school lunches. Let cable get to 75 days and then pay one month and get a pay arrangement for the rest and then use what’s left to pay power. I can turn the meter back on if they come out, so that gives me an extra week or two to pay that bill, that way if I have to, I can pay only the unregulated charges on the phone to keep it on. Cable and the house phone are not luxuries. How do I work without a phone? How do the kids do their homework without the computer? How do any of us find some kind of stress relief without a break that only a phone call from a friend or a comedy show at night can give?

It was all going smooth. It was even kinda fun, it was all small victories in a losing battle. I knew I would be getting a check at the end of the month and that would pay 90% of the mortgage, so everything was fine.

Unfortunately when you bounce on air like that, eventually you crash. Only I kept expecting everything to even out before it crashed. It’s my fault, I know it is. But hasn’t everyone made a mistake in their lives? Am I the only one who has ever made a bad call?

I never expected the little one to get sick and need medication. I’m not worried about the ER bill, what are they going to do? Hurt my credit? HA!HA! But I didn’t expect her to get sick the same time the baby sitter did. I didn’t expect to have to take off 3 days from work. Once that domino started to fall…they all fell. Tomorrow is going to be even colder, there is no money and there is no food and soon there will be no house. I didn’t do anything wrong damnit! Why did I lose everything? Why do people look at me like I am a lazy-good-for-nothing? Like I am trash! 10 months ago I WAS THE SAME AS THEY ARE! Don’t they get that through no fault of their own or very little fault … 10 months from now THEY COULD BE ME!

Why do we need to help the people below us? Because we don’t leave people behind in this country. We don’t leave a man or a woman down. We run back through the bullets and we get them. If they are injured and can’t get up by themselves, we carry them. We don’t leave our people behind.

There are a 1001 reasons why someone is in need. Some are lazy, some are unlucky and some are just as innonecent in their poverty as the guy with the great job,stable job, great benefits is as lucky in his. The unlucky ones worked just as hard, went to school just as long… but shit happens.

We don’t leave people behind. We’ve forgotten this. Along the way “poor” became synonymous with ‘minority’ and ‘uneducated’ and ‘lazy’. It became easier to get angry over our Social Policies. It became easier to say, “This is my money, why am I forced to give it to those people who refuse to help themselves”

It’s your money, yes. You didn’t cause these people to fall, I know. Yes, you did everything right. You pulled yourself up and so can they. I know, I’ve heard them all. But what happens when everything out there is working against you and you just can’t pull yourself up? What happens when you are begging to work, begging to make enough money to pay just a couple bills and feed your kids, not one or the other, but there is nothing out there. This isn’t a problem for certain demographics anymore. This isn’t being seen only in poorest,laziest and least educated of our community. This is being seen in every section of our society. I don’t know the answer. I’m not smart enough to figure out a plan that helps everyone and makes everyone happy. I only know one thing….

We don’t leave our people behind.

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Headlines over the last couple weeks with some comments after.

–Pope Benedict XVI arrives–

He gave a speech while at the White House, afterwards our brilliant President told him “Awesome Speech”

Really….? You’re President of the United States, Leader of the last Super Power and you’re going to tell the Pope, leader of the Catholic Church “Awesome Speech”…
Yeah, I gotta tell ya… I’m a little embarrassed.

This next one is interesting,

–EARTHQUAKE: 5.2 MAG SHAKES ILLINOS, INDIANA, MISSOURI, KENTUCKY–

An earthquake in Kentucky and Illinos? During the same time as the Pope’s visit? Is this God’s way of telling him “Awesome Speech”?

These next two make me fear for my children.

–UK Brown Says World owes Bush ‘huge debt of Gratitude’–

Uh, huh? What? A huge debt of what did you say? Gratitude? Did he say this with a straight face? Did the people he said it in front of control their laugher? And more importantly, did the media photogs get a pic of Gordon Brown‘s, Prime Minister of the UK, lips firmly affixed to George Bush’s ass?

–Judge: Harry Potter is gibberish.

JK Rowling is suing a fan because he is stealing her work and putting his name on it and publishing it. She’s taken her suit to the US courts and the Judge hearing had this to say about the 1st Harry Potter book…and I quote,
.
“I found it extremely complex,”

Harry Potter, a children’s book, is too extremely complex for a United States District Judge to read to his grandchildren. Oh Dear Jesus help me. .. Help my children to have a better, safer and smarter world.

Yes, I am a lot embarrassed.

–Pentagon paid $1.7 million to firms of polygamy bosses–

Another story of weird sex and the Republicans. I’m really not surprised by this. Btw what exactly was Cheney doing in Utah when he was on his ‘secret mission’ last year and the year before?

–Al Qaeda plans Baghdad hits, says U.S.–

That one is interesting also, especially when you read the next headline

–Opening soon in Baghdad: Largest U.S. embassy in the world with restaurants, 619 apartments–

Someone needs to alert Bush and Co. Not in an NIE or anything like that because we know that doesn’t work. Maybe a pretty banner plane? Because it seems that we have a…

–The $474 million facility is the largest U.S. embassy in the world, with 619 apartments for staffers as well as restaurants, indoor and outdoor basketball courts, volleyball court, and indoor Olympic-size swimming pool.–

In the same place where we say Al Qeada is planning a hit. Hey, don’t blame me. I told you our President was Brilliant.

I’m at a loss with this next one. I will never be able to prove it, but I’m sure Michelle Obama has a hand in it.

–Top House Democrat denounces Clinton campaign tactics
“Scurrilous” and “disingenuous” were among the words a top Democrat in the U.S. House of Representatives used on Thursday to describe Hillary Clinton’s campaign tactics in her bid to defeat Barack Obama for their party’s presidential nomination.
House Democratic Whip James Clyburn, of South Carolina and the highest ranking black in Congress, also said he has heard speculation that Clinton is staying in the race only to try to derail Obama and pave the way for her to make another White House run in 2012.

What is he trying to say?

“I heard it on the (House) floor today, which is telling me there are African Americans who have reached the decision that the Clintons know that she can’t win this. But they’re hell-bound to make it impossible for Obama to win”

Oh….. Ok…. I see…

ARE YOU FUCK………….ahem……. Are you fucking kidding me? Now Michelle Obama has her minions starting rumors that Hill is only in it because she wants to make sure Obama doesn’t win.

Isn’t that the point? Isn’t the point of her campaign to stay in it so she can win and not the next guy?

Unfortunately the racial message on this little bullshit remark can’t be missed. Hillary is staying the race because she hates black people.

Michelle Obama is bordering on “Rove-territory’ here with starting this story. …..Hillary staying in the race so she or McCain can win…. Oh my fucking God!

–Wright’s defense
Mr. Wright, who has acted as Mr. Obama’s spiritual mentor and retired in February as pastor of Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, said that he has never heard Mr. Obama repeat any of his controversial statements.

“Absolutely not,” Mr. Wright said. “I don’t talk to him about politics. And so he had a political event, he goes out as a politician and says what he has to say as a politician. I continue to be a pastor who speaks to the people of God about the things of God.”

Again, what are you trying to say?

“He’s a politician, I’m a pastor,” he said. “We speak to two different audiences. And he says what he has to say as a politician. I say what I have to say as a pastor. But they’re two different worlds.”

What the hell does that mean? Obama has to say what he says because he is a politician? Does this instill “Hope” in people? The pastor of your anointed leader, the man who married him, blessed his children and for 20 years advised him spiritually, says that your “golden boy’ says what he has to because he is a politician.

What does that mean? That Obama has heard Wrights hatred? Or that Obama agrees with Wright’s racism but can’t admit either one because he is a politician?

I wonder how the media will react to this. Probably like they have reacted to everything. They will ignore it because Hillary is a racist who is staying the race to make sure Obama doesn’t win….. And really that’s the bigger story. The woman who husband did more blacks than any other white President is the real racist, not the guy who sat there for 20 yrs listening to his pastor preach it.

And finally, this isn’t a headline, but it is news to us over here on the coast. Today at the Hess on wickham rd I saw the price of gas go up to $.3.69 a gallon. I was sitting there waiting for the train when I watched them change the price. $3.69 a gallon. What kind of insanity is that? $10 will now get you 2.7 gal of gas… IOW, if you have a 4×4 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited Edition, that will get you 35.1 miles of gas. Which is nowhere.

It’s scary that 5 weeks ago my grocery bill was $125 a week, and last week the same groceries cost me $201. It’s scarier that this isn’t going to get any better any time soon, in fact some annalists are starting to use the “D” word instead of just the ‘recession’ word.

Why? What the hell happened to our country?

And No, it’s not that there is a shortage of food like the media wants you to believe and will fuel until there is a shortage of food.

Last year, or maybe it was the year before, I remember it was summer and there were hurricanes, I sat and watched the price of a barrel of gas go up to $91.I watched as people panicked because the pump prices went up. We all thought then, Oh my God, gas is at $90+ a barrel. This is what scares me, this is what I don’t understand. Back then the price reflection at the pump was almost immediate. You could tell which stores bought their gas before the price jumps because they would always be selling it for way cheaper than the guy across the street who bought his at the current price. Today the gas is just a tiny bit higher than it was that summer. But the price of a barrel has gone up to $117. Where is the off set? What is keeping it at bay and for the love of God, when will it be reflected at the pumps? We can’t take much more, I know that I make an ok living, but I won’t if my grocery bill goes up by $75 every month for the same meager ‘mom food’. I won’t if the same miles I drive this week will cost me triple at the pump next week. I won’t when summer comes along in full tilt and FPL has to raise their rates again and the same power that I used last year costs me $100 more this year. Everything is going up except the finances of normal people. Those are staying the same and that would be ok if everything stayed the same, but since it’s not, normal middle class working families like mine are going to be hurting really bad.
Can McCain fix this? Hell no, he’s Bush the 3rd.
Can Obama? Not a chance. He’s all bark and no bite, even his pastor says he’s just talking like a politician.
Can Hilary? Not even on her best day. Even though she is the only one who even has shot, not on her best day. This mess will be around our shoulders for a decade or more. That is the legacy the current President left us.

$3.69+ for a gallon of gas. We were going to go to the movies tonight. But after gas to get there, inflated movie prices at the cinema world, popcorn and soda… I think we’ll have to pass. I think I’ll have use that $75 for something that we need instead of something that we want. How will this get any better when I can’t be the only one doing this.

I’ve been called insane and have been mocked. I’ve been told I’m stupid and make even more stupid comments and draw even stupider conclusions. Maybe that’s all it is, maybe it is just me and noone else is affected by any of this in any way. Maybe I’m chicken-bush-hater-little. Maybe I should be thankful because we haven’t been attacked. Who knows, All I know is that I am saving money this week and every week for one big blow out of a night.The truth is out there and on July 25th, I’m going to take my kids to the movies and see it.

But how ridiculous is it that a 2 income family of four has to start saving in April for dinner and movie in July….