MucheDumbre

Ben Stein told Larry King the other night his version of a republican and that pretty much sums of my idea of them also…

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STEIN: I want to see a return to the republicans like Dwight Eisenhower, balance the budget,small government, civil rights, no foreign adventures, keep the corporate people under control, watch them like hawks and that’s the Dwight Eisenhower Republicans and we’ve drifted far away. If we lose this election, it’s a chance for the party to return to its basics.

If they would just add in some social programs, I think I could be this kind of republican. But it’s the yearning for social programs that kicks me out of that party and into the literal/Democratic party.

Stein’s idea of a republican is also not what the GOP is practicing these days. Today they are all about super-sized spending and super-sized intrusive government. But that is for another blog…I want to talk about a couple of comments I’ve received.

Obama’s plans don’t actually help you. They provide a short-term benefit, but in the long term, even from a welfare point of view, are detrimental, as those who create jobs and wealth will slowly withdraw from the system.

Reading your message, it seems that you are saying that you feel entitled to take the fruit of my labor and utilize it for your own needs. I had always thought that you were a liberal, not a communist. Punishing those of us who work hard, and pair that hard work with a great deal of risk, will destroy our desire to achieve. When that happens, there will be no one left to steal from, I mean over-tax.

Another thing that Obama will ruin is charity. I have given around $15k to the food pantry at my church this year. When I close the doors at my business, or even if I stay open, who is going to fullfill the void I leave? Are you going to give a portion of the money, stolen from me by Obama’s big government, to this food pantry? Doubtful. And because these folks won’t be serviced by the pantry, Obama gets his wish – greater dependance on government help. This will snowball out of control…

There is so much wrong with this and other comments I’ve seen, such as

There is nothing in the constitution that provides for social programs from the federal government. If you want food stamps or free health care, get if from your State. but I am clearly for a far less big and intrusive Federal government that you are. I’m not sure if you recognize limits on Federal power. Is there anything that you think the federal government should not provide? Food (stamps), Housing, job training, daycare, health care, dental care? subsidized mortgages, subsidized anything?

There seems to be this misconception that the only who people would benefit from Obama’s tax breaks are the poorest of poor, or when Obama comes into office it will be food stamps and free healthcare for everyone. There is also this misconception that Obama is talking about implementing this new idea of a progressive tax system and a rebate via a new concept called the earned income child tax credit. Since both of the these programs were not only invented by High-adored Conservative Republicans, but were also strengthen by what I have been told is the “Obama version of the Republican party”, Ronald Regan, I am completely baffled by the outrage.

What both persons commenting don’t understand is that there will always be the poorest of the poor who get food stamps and free-healthcare. It doesn’t matter what president in office so that argument should be out to rest.

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Just because a Democrat is in the oval doesn’t mean the poor will get more free-stuff, just look at the biggest welfare reformer of all times, Bill Clinton, if you doubt that. Even that is not the issue though, the issue is … so what? So what if more people get more in food stamps and some kind of healthcare? Is it a drain on our economy? Yes, but so was that bridge to nowhere that Palin said no thanks to, when she really didn’t and even after she said she did, she kept the damn money. So is the billions that have been mismanaged in the Iraq war. But those are Republican-made spending so they are not evil and despotic, it’s only evil and despotic when the money will go to help a newborn get their polio vaccination or an 4.0 A student pay for their college.

Do I want my friends money taken from him and given to me so I can go out and party like it’s 1999? No. Do I want the same kind of tax-break that Donald Trump has been given over the last 8 years? Yes! Why does he deserve it more than me? Because he is wealthy and he employs thousands of people? Because if he doesn’t get it, then he will pack up and leave the country?

Bullshit on both accounts. First and foremost, under Obama he’ll have to fire his employees,close his doors and move to Ireland. Ya know what? Good, get the fuck out, we don’t want your unpatriotic, extorting ass here anyway and I don’t care how many people you employ! Because guess what? This is America and we still have the best of the best of anything, health professionals,retail stores,entertainment and while you may

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decide to move out, you’ll damn sure be back every chance you get to patronize us in some way.

I want to see all walks of life in this country get some kind of fair taxation, I want to see everyone in this country come together and help one another and I am the unpatriotic one? But when a business owner threatens to send his employees into the financial ruin, leave the country and give another country his buisness and employ their citizens, he’s the patriot? Bullshit!

“I’ll give less to charity” is another reason why we shouldn’t vote for Obama. Again, Bullshit! You cannot hold a gun to a poor person head and threaten them with death if a certain president is elected and call that patriotism. I know Tony Soprano would, but come on! You are extorting churches and charities now to prove your point?

NO, what you are doing is taking your ball and going home because you are pissed that you didn’t win the game. It’s a temper tantrum plain and simple.

This is a great analogy for those against the current progressive tax system

If you went to dinner with 10 people from your company, and you made more than everyone else, and everyone ordered the same exact meal, how do you divide the check?

The bill comes to 100 dollars. (I like round numbers.)

Because you make more than everyone else… you are now required to pay $50 for the meal.

Three of the people make middle income, so they have to pay $15 each.

Three more people make a modicum of income. They pay $5 dollars a piece.

The other three get their meal and the receive $3.33 to go home with.

Is that fair?

To some, it is. To others, it is not.

Is that fair? Of course in a perfect world it is not. Just because some people are more wealthy than others they shouldn’t be forced to pay more. But this is not a perfect or even fair world. For the last 8 years, using the ‘dinner tab’ analogy, the middle income guy has shouldered not only his share, but the share of the bottom guy and the top guy because the poor guy will never have the money no matter who is president and under the current administration and the McCain administration, the top guy isn’t paying his share either. Obama wants to change this, he wants to make the top guy pays his full share so it gives the middle guy a little bit of a break.

This is not socialism. This is not me taking money from my rich friends. This is me telling my rich friends that I can no longer pay my share and their share of the costs to live in the country.

Even Warren Buffet’s blasted the current tax system

Buffett cited himself, the third-richest person in the world, as an example. Last year, Buffett said, he was taxed at 17.7 percent on his taxable income of more than $46 million. His receptionist was taxed at about 30 percent.

No, the richest 1% shouldn’t have to have their money taken from them to pay for the people who will always look for the handout, but neither should I.

No, the richest 1% shouldn’t be the only ones to pay for our schools,roads, military and law enforcement, but I shouldn’t be the one to shoulder my burden of the cost and their burden of the cost.

Will Warren Buffet benefit less than his secretary will benefit more is the question. As long as he is paying his share and not making her pay hers and his portion, both will benefit. More money in her pocket gives her more money to spend on his products.

I understand why someone would take their business and their money to another country if their taxes were outrageously high. Rolling back George Bush’s tax credit does not constitute ‘outrageously high’ though.

I understand that noone wants to pay more taxes but don’t ever tell me that you should not have carry your burden of the cost to live in this country because you make more money than me. We all pay to live in this society and if we want to be safe and have a strong military we will have to pay for them, so stop demanding that you should get to pay less because you make so much more.

I love my wealthy friend to death and will miss him when he moves. And while he won’t be able to count on the same things in his new country that I can count on here, what he can count on is that under John McCain, I will still here paying my share and his share ensuring that this country will be here for him when decides to come home and shop. I only hope I will be able to bear this burden and not give up on my country and become one of the poor who is forced to live off the system or else he won’t have a motherland to come back to.

The wealthy can give up and move to another country if they are taxed, but the middle class, when they finally give up or just break will have nowhere to go except to the food stamp office.

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Because he knows that we are all Americans and it doesn’t matter if we live in small towns or big cities…”We All Love This Country”

You can either search congress for the ‘anti-americans’.Travel only in the ‘real’ America while dividing yourself from the rest of America..You can keep throwing every attack you can find, whether that be visiting his dying grandmother on a campaign plane, or because he said in down times people hold on to their religion.

Or, you can unite and believe “in the future we can build together..”

Why Obama?

…if one voice can change a room, then it can change a city, and if it can change a city it can change a state, and if it can change a state it can change a nation, and if it can change the nation it can change the world...

If you can listen to end of that and not feel hope. Not feel inspiration, not feel that “Yes, we can…” Yes, we can be better, we can do better, we can do anything if we stand together…. then Vote for McCain because there is nothing more I or anyone else can do to help you decide.

If you would rather listen to the same old attacks that lost McCain the Republican nomination in 2000? Tune into Fox news or watch any McCain ad, because he has hired the same attack dogs that George Bush used against him.

But if you want change, If you want unity, if you want an end to the last 8 years of division. Vote Obama.

Why Obama?

Sure, it’s easy to be cynical and say it can’t be done… One voice can’t do anything. One man can’t change anything. Why should we hope for anything?

There has never been anything false about hope…. When we have faced down impossible odds, we we’ve been told we’re not ready or we shouldn’t try, or that we can’t.. Generations of Americans have responded……. Yes we can!

Why Obama?

Because… with him we can be the America that is prosperous, caring, respected, feared and envied.

Don’t roll your eyes… Yes, we can.

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Do you ever wonder if they understand what it is exactly that this guy is doing?

Wouldn’t you think that somewhere along the way, someone would have taken them aside and said “Hey, you see that guy with the funny looking doo-hickey on his shoulder? Yeah, him. Well, he’s not playing a mutated trombone, he’s actually recording you..you know, on tape.” Someone along the way should have clued these guys in.

In 2000, John McCain was running for president. He lost the nomination but while he was running he made some great comments, such as this one.

Girl asking question…”Isn’t it like socialism and stuff….that’s their money not the governments, How is that fair?”

John McCain’s answer…”When you reach a certain level of comfort, there is nothing wrong with paying somewhat more”

huh…

Well, I guess he can just claim ‘mad cow’ and keep calling Barack a socialist for following his general tax plan from 2000,2003,2004. The plan that called for getting rid of the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy and letting the people who are a little more comfortable, pay a little more.

Or, someone could explain to him how a video camera works.

I would think it would be embarrassing to have your running mate promise to support and if elected, enact these polar opposite policies. But then again….She told congress “Thanks, but no thanks for that bridge to nowhere” when she really didn’t tell them that.

Of course neither McCain nor Palin want to spend excessive amounts of money for fruu-fruu things, stuff they like to call ‘pork’. They don’t want to waste tax-payers money. But she isn’t above wasting tax-payers donations.

It’s funny, because when John Edwards billed his campaign for 2 $400 haircuts, the entire atmosphere went insane. When Palin does it..ehh not so much. Maybe it’s because she really needed the swag she bought, being a hockey mom from a small town ain’t cheap ya know.

• $75,000 at Neiman Marcus
• $50,000 at Saks Fifth Avenue.
• $789.72 at Barneys New York

It’s takes alot of money to dress,shoe, and coif a family of 7 plus one boyfriend.

It’s really telling of a persons

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character and judgment, that while Joe the plummer was watching his retirement shrink every day during the economic meltdown, the Governor was out shopping in the Big city. Those small towns might be where the “real” America lives, but New York City is where the “real” Governor of Alaska shops. It’s a shame she couldn’t find a “mom and pop” store, or a start-up clothes bouitque in some of those small towns she’s been visiting lately. Because I’m sure that with the way this ecomony has been lately, they could have used the $150,000 more than Neiman Marcus. Not saying that Neiman didn’t need the money, I’m sure they are suffering also. It’s just that I find it a bit hypocritical to run a campaign on the backs of small towns,small businesses,UN-elitistism, and Anti-excessiveness and then go on a shopping spree with donation from tax-payers in the biggest city on earth.

Speaking of wasteful pork, and extreme excess.

In separate filings, the state was billed about $25,000 for Palin’s daughters’ expenses and $19,000 for her husband’s.

Flights topped the list for the most expensive items, and the daughter whose bill was the highest was Piper, 7, whose flights cost nearly $11,000, while Willow, 14, claimed about $6,000 and Bristol, 17, accounted for about $3,400.

One event was in New York City in October 2007, when Bristol accompanied the governor to Newsweek’s third annual Women and Leadership Conference, toured the New York Stock Exchange and met local officials and business executives. The state paid for three nights in a $707-a-day hotel room. Garnero said the governor’s office has the authority to approve hotel stays above $300.

Asked Monday about the official policy on charging for children’s travel expenses, Garnero said: “We cover the expenses of anyone who’s conducting state business. I can’t imagine kids could be doing that.”

I guess $11,000 for airplane tickets for a 7 year old is fiscally responsible and I also guess that when Joe the plumber visits the Big Apple he stays in a $700 a day hotel. … I really guess I should have been a plumber.

OH and if you think people are only talking about this because the MSM is so slanted and so biased against Sarah Palin? I have a haircut for you.

so please, spare me the ‘woe is me’.

Let’s break this $150,000 down and see if maybe it’s explainable. The average American spent about $1800 on clothes in 2006, that means it would take Joe the plumbers 83 years to spend what Palin did in a matter of hours. It’s not just the amount that was spent, but the timing of it also. The down-to-earth, mother of 5, small-town Governor was out having her day of shopping and coiffing in the early weeks of September. Also going on in early September, John McCain was saying that “The economy is fundamentally sound”, and I guess if I was watching my running mate spend that kind of dough, I would think everything was rainbows and unicorns also. But those of us in ‘real’ America, the America that doesn’t have $5,000 for make-up, we were watching the collapse of Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac, the bankrupty of Lehman Brothers and JP Morgan and the sale of Merrill Lynch. The 1st weeks of September, while Governor Palin was out shopping for extreme high end clothes, our financial world was collapsing.

But Joe, is “scared for America” if Barack gets elected?

No, it’s not explainable. Not even the explanation from the McCain camp of “They’ll be donated to charity,” is good enough. I can understand her need for clothes, I cannot understand her need of $150,000 worth of clothes for her, her husband,her daughters, her daughters boy friend, and her baby. I cannot understand that at all. I further cannot comprehend how this is proof of ‘fiscal responsibility’ or how anyone can keep campaigning that they will change Washington, they will make famous anyone who tries to spend too much,and they are the conservative party that doesn’t want to spread your wealth around. My only thought is that maybe this is what the members of the Republican party meant for their donation to go to. Maybe while they were sitting the kitchen of their home that was about to be foreclosed on, hoping they could get a few more miles on the balding tires, hoping that gas would go down just a few more cents so that they could start buying just a little more food for their children,believing that John McCain and Sarah Palin were the mavericks who were going to shake up the Government and stop all the wasteful spending,maybe while they were shorting their power bill by $25 so they could send in any kind of donation to help McCain and Palin get into the White House, maybe they knew that their money would go to her shoe fund. I’m sure they are proud that their children didn’t have new shoes to start school with this September, because they understand that Sarah Palin, her family, and her daughters boy friend needed new clothes from Sak’s Fifth Ave instead of, Target,Ross, or even the substandard white trashy stores like Belks or Dillards. Little Joe can be proud of his faded out tee-shirts and last year’s school back-pack he had to re-use, because really, they do look like a million dollars in front of the cameras…

and that is what’s important and what matters today. Because in today’s world, Michelle Obama’s off-the-rack $148 dress is the ‘real’ definition of elitism.

Wake up people! Wake up and look at your fiscally irresponsible ticket! They aren’t taking your money and giving to seniors who have lost everything in the meltdown, they aren’t taking your money to give healthcare to all the children in the United States. They aren’t spreading the wealth to the other 95% of the population,they are taking your money while your retirement portfolio is losing 50% of it’s value and they are shopping with it.

Let them eat cake?…you betcha!

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What kind of America are we leaving for our children?

Over the last few years individual rights have become a shadow of their former selves while the government exploded in size and spending. We have all sat back and ignored the slow plan for the Government to take over full control of our lives. All my life I have heard people say “We’re the United States of America, that would never happened” and yet when it does happen,little by little, we ignore it because we are too busy running to hide under our beds because the terror alert level has changed colors. The world has been pulled over our eyes to blind us from the truth. …and we have allowed it

In 2005, the supreme court ruled in favor of Emminent Domain. In other words the power of the state to take private property for public use with payment of compensation to the owner.. The court decided that we no longer have the right to keep our homes when big buisness wants them. If the Government or big business would rather have your land or your home, they can take it from you. They decide who gets to keep their homes and who doesn’t.

And we watched and said nothing.

In 2001 the Patriot Act was signed into law. Among many other civil rights violations,it allows for the secret search,seizure and hidden detainement of anyone the Government suspects is a threat. They don’t have to prove a threat and with the new FBI law set to take place on Oct 1, they don’t even have to have any evidence you are a threat. They just have to think that you might be dangerous.

Read that again, they only have to think that you might be dangerous.

This is not just for international terrorism anymore. Ironically that has always be the ‘pro’ argument. That this kind of thing was A-OK because it only affected the international terrorist and would never be used against the people of this country. I have had many arguments over just this thing. I have said that once you open the door to one level, it opens the doors to the entire spectrum. The pro argument has always been, “We’re the United States of America, that would never happen”. Well it is, starting Oct 1, those new guidelines go in place for criminal activities on the local level.

That door only needed to be opened a little and over the last 8 years it was beaten down with a battering ram.

This year the Government stepped in to save 2 mortgage giants, Fanny and Freddie Mac, from certain ruin. No matter how you look at it this was needed, the alternative was the total collapse of the housing market and the ruination of wall streeet. But while this was needed to head off financial destruction the end result is that we let Government step in a gain more control of our personal lives. Now they not only own the mortgages to our homes, with Eminant Domain they decide who can keep them.

And we watched and said nothing.

Also this year the Government stepped in to bail our Bear Sterns. J.P. Morgan bought the troubled company with a guarantee that the Government (the taxpayers) would absorb Billions of potential loss. Today, Lehman Brothers is looking for the same deal. They are looking towards China to buy them out with our Government (the taxpayers) absorbing the potiential loss. Tomorrow it will be the 3 Detroit giants. They are on the verge of collapse and as of right now are trying to stop it on their own but if they are unable, will look to the Government for another Bear Sterns-like deal.

I was asked how I could convince someone who against big Government to vote for Barack Obama when he’s had over 800 bills in his short time in office. My answer was to look at the bills before deciding that they were all bad and all about bigger Government. My answer should have been; in the last 8 years has the Government gotten smaller while the individual has gotten bigger? That answer is a resounding NO! So why would any Republican still vote for the party that has not just become big Government, but an almost totally controlling Government that spends outrageous amounts of money?

Where are the free market Republicans?

On the liberal front. To disagree with the Govermennt has now become UnAmerican and Unpatriotic.We’ve even allowed it to become criminal. Protesting is now just a jaw-tingling, acid-flashback. Today you are put in an area away from that which you are protesting. You are hidden, your voices muffled.

And we still watch and say nothing.

The things that the liberals have been screaming about for the last 8 years and the same things the conservatives have mocked and laughed at are almost all in place. The Government decides when dissent is unpatriotic and criminal, they decide where to hide anyone who voices out against them, they control the financial and housing market and before long the automakers.They spend every taxpayers money like there is an endless supply of it. They decide on an international and local level just who is a criminal, who should be secretly investigated and secretly detained without legal counsel,without evidence and just because they ‘think’ you ‘might’ be doing something.

This isn’t what the Republican vision is. This is Orwell’s predictions.

We are the country that stops this from happening to other countries. We are the worlds police. Whether asked or not, we will fight for other countries rights to individuality, we will die for their rights to vote and to chose their way of life. We are the world’s police and we don’t let the bad guys win. But ask yourself this.

Who is going to help us?

There isn’t another country out there like ours who would or could come in and help us as a nation of people. Oh they might come in to help themselves (see china), but they wouldn’t be here for our benefit. WE are our last hope. Face it, we are the only ones out there who can help us. We are the ones who have to make a difference and change the path that we have been on. True Red Republicans don’t like what’s been done to their party anymore than liberal Democrats like what’s been done to their country.

Experience has lead us down this path of destruction, you only have to look over the last 8 years to see what we have lost and what the Government has gained and how bloated and massive it has grown. Maybe it is time to let inexperience take control. If that doesn’t work then in 4 years change it. If that still doesn’t work….change it again.!

If the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting different results, what is it when you do the same thing over and over, knowing the results are going to be against all of your core beliefs and you keep on doing it anyway.

Vote early
Vote often
And if we’re lucky, the rumor I heard that gas will be a $1 in March 2009, will be a fact.

Why is McCain even wasting his time and the party’s money. Sure the polls put him pretty much dead even with the Messiah, but c’mon…Hillary was close too. In fact Hillary wound up beating the Messiah only to be questioned every single night “why is she in it” “what does she want” “when will she quit” “what, does she think she can win” “she’s dividing the country” blah blah blah until she was finally tossed away and forgotten like a cheap whore… Didn’t McCain pay any attention? Or has he just forgotten?

Dude, why don’t you just retire already.

Why don’t you just stop your campaign and go back home.

You can’t win.

Hillary won the popular vote and where is she?

It doesn’t matter if you win the popular vote McCain. The electoral vote will go towards the Messiah and they count more than us little people who can‘t decide for ourselves who we want to lead us.. Just like the super-delegates votes counts more that the regular delegate.

McCain, you’re doing nothing but making a mockery out of the Republican party. The mighty-mighty Republican party, the party of Reagan for God’s sake. The longer you stay in the race, the more divided this country will be. But more than that, the more you will hurt the GOP. Your little stunt yesterday? You know, where you thought you could go up against the Messiah and the media? Remember? What? One reporter was there to look at you? One whole reporter. What did you think, that the media would care? HA! They had the Messiah’s 3-pointer to cover. And today? While the Messiah was giving the sermon from the mount, did you really think anyone at that German restaurant cared that you were there? Hell no they didn’t. The chosen one was speaking and all must show reverence and ululate and then genuflect or else the Messiah will leave us. Didn’t you watch any of the Hillary vs. Messiah race?

Speaking of race….. Lance Armstrong? Really?…. Um, he’s like stupid. What ever happened to Chuck Norris. Did you know that Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Did you know that there are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun

So where is he?

Oh…. My….God.

Now I understand….

Now I see …..

The Messiah ate Chuck Norris.

I know… ridiculous right? Sadly it isn’t. It’s the truth (well, the messiah didn’t really eat Chuck Norris). Any day now the media will begin to question why McCain is even running. The same media that is now making a mocking of their own coverage over the soon to be anointed one. Hell they are already rejecting his op-ed’s until he can make it more like the Messiah’s.

They know what they’re doing..but that isn’t stopping them from acting like 12 year old school girls backstage at a Jonas Brother concert. McCain should have seen this coming and prepared better for being the sacrificial lamb. Then again, did anyone see all of this blind devoition coming? Sure there was adoration for the Messiah when he was up against the Clinton machine. But did anyone see this… “invasion of the body-snatchers meets Jim Jones, David Koresh, Charles Manson-like cult love”?

The scariest part of this is that this fervor is no longer found in fringe journalism or local media. This is coming from the 3 biggies, CBS,NBC,ABC. The granddaddies of all news media have now been assimilated. Resistance is now futile. There will be no more investigative journalism when it comes to the Messiah. No story on earth will make the Granddad’s go against the Messiah. We saw what happened when the administration we have now had free reign from the media. Only now, not only is the media involved, the entire world is backing this man. The world wants him as president. (yes, that is a real website)

We’re fucked……. We are so fucked.

But what if the Messiah doesn’t live up to … Wait…what am I saying, it doesn’t matter if he lives up to anything.. He hasn’t done anything to live up to and look at the mania surrounding him.

I’ve asked so many times…. “What has he done in his political or personal life to show that he deserves this and can be the leader then entire world wants him to be?” I have yet to get an answer. So I have a new question, one that I hope will get an answer and make my life so much easier and ‘flower-y’… Where the hell is the punch bowl? I want to be blinded by a semi-precious smile and a great (when rehearsed 1000’s times) speech giver. I want to be assimilated to save my sanity….. So where in the hell is my blue pill?

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

I would like, really like, to believe in some things that everyone else believes in. It’s tiring to have to constantly explain your views and be looked at as some sort of kook. I now know how a Scientologist feels.

But at least a Scientologist has to actually go out and seek his kookiness. I merely stood in place, while the rest of the world went gaa gaa over something that seems totally mind numbingly laughable.

No not American Idol, I’m talking about Global Warming.

Although I really don’t get American Idol, and have never seen an episode, at least it is on TV with lots of flashing lights and primary colors. Global Warming has none of that. There are no jerky camera angles, no bright colors, no music. It really just has Al Gore with a power point. But what a power point! To my knowledge, the first power point slide to win an Oscar. That sure beats the one I made that had the box that made the boing sound. It seemed cool at the time, but it was no Oscar winner.

So as I was standing still, the debate was suddenly over. Al Gore, Leonardo DeCaprio, and Larry David’s wife, accomplished scientists all, declared the debate over. Global warming had won, and all that was left was to figure out how to get the maximum amount of self righteousness from the least amount of inconvenience.

In spite of my youthful good looks, I’m actually old enough to remember other environmental fads that ran through the media and intelligentsia before burning out and losing interest. Some, I just don’t know what happened to. The media stopped reporting them. Did we ever get all of our wetlands restored? Or did they just rename them swamps and marshes and abandoned them? How about acid rain? Is all the acid gone now? That one I actually do remember. To my knowledge, the last appearance of acid rain in the mass media was a 60 Minutes story in which they said, “Oops, it’s mostly a natural phenomena; forget about the last 10 years of hysteria. Your children won’t burn to death in a spring shower.”

And then that was it. We all promised to never mention it again and moved on to the next catastrophe.

But we won’t be moving on from global warming anytime soon. Eventually yes, but for the next 20 years or so, we will be regaled by news stories on “Which Purses are the most Green?’ “How your family can stop breathing and save the earth” or “Bathing: The planet needs you to stay stinky.” Smelly bums in every bus station in America, after he takes your dollar, when he notices the tell tale curl of your nostrils can say with pride, “I’m not bathing so I can save the earth. What are you doin’?” Of course then he can also explain to you that the KGB implanted a chip in his head to keep track of his used tissue paper collection.

And why are we stuck with this particular environmental fad when the others have all come and gone? Because when it comes to environmental crisis’s, Global Warming is darn near perfect. It’s not just a problem for American tree huggers anymore, it’s gone world wide baby! Even the UN is involved. Unlike acid rain, it’s not primarily a Northeastern problem. The depletion of the ozone layer just isn’t sexy unless you live under the Antarctic hole. And wetlands? There are just too many homeowners to sue who have puddles in their yard for more than 3 weeks a year. But global warming effects the whole…what’s the word…globe. Everyone can take notice and get involved to avoid global catastrophe.

And catastrophe is exactly what we have been promised. Twenty foot higher sea levels, super storms ripping across the planet, and islands being inundated; leaving their inhabitants dogpaddling while waiting for a friendly continent to take them in. Who wouldn’t be in favor of stopping that? And apparently the solution is simple. Bike to work, or if you must drive make it a Prius, use only one sheet of toilet paper when you go boom-boom, use florescent light bulbs and bring your own reusable hemp bag to Publix.

In fact it’s so easy, I could take environmental credit right now. I telecommute so I don’t have to go to an office every day, and I already have a few florescent bulbs. However given the toxic levels of mercury in each one, I have my Hazmat suit ready when changing them. Such is the price of a green lifestyle. The toilet paper thing…not quite ready to go there.. My poops shouldn’t be limited like that.

So why don’t I just keep my mouth shut, take my green kudos, and nod sagely when someone mentions climate change? I would appear to be a lot smarter that way. But… I’m a little bit skeptical. Maybe skeptish. Whether it’s doubting the divinity of Jesus during Christmas dinner, or arguing that there is no conclusive proof that Uncle Otis has gone to a “better place” at his wake, for most things I hear, I’m just not buying it. Like that guy from Missouri, you gotta show me.

I’m not a scientist or have in any way the credentials to evaluate the raw data that the sciences generate to prove or disprove a hypothesis. I sometimes think that I am almost that smart though. I can watch a Nova special on String theory, and then explain it, in a most elementary way to someone else, but in reality, I don’t understand it at all. Understanding the universe at that level is impossible for a layman. It can only be properly explained and understood with an understanding of a level of mathematics that I don’t have or have little hope of obtaining. At least not without a grant from the National Science Foundation, in association with your local PBS station…

Luckily String Theory has no impact on public policy.  The public isn’t divided into “Stringers” and “Stringer Deniers.”  I don’t have to listen to Alec Baldwin and Gary Sinise arguing those cosmological points on Letterman.  It’s an extremely complicated theory that is important to how the universe is constructed, but makes no difference in my daily habits or how anyone conducts their affairs on this planet.

But Climatology is worse. The number of different weak and strong attractive forces that a physicist must take into account is minor compared to the possible inputs into a weather system that an atmospheric scientist must consider. And in fact, he (or she- not trying to pull a sexist card here) can’t. We can build a computer model predicting the movement of heavenly bodies that is pretty darn accurate, taking in what we know of Newtonian and relativistic physics. But right now we can’t even get an atmospheric computer model to give us the weather for fixed periods in the past, even though all of the data and inputs are a matter of historical record. So if they can’t predict the weather we’ve already had, how can they predict the weather we haven’t? I hardly need to point to our local “5 Day Forecasts” to show the flaw in the models. Day one is usually pretty close, but after that, things start to get a bit iffy. All of the minor differences that occur in day one add factors to alter the prediction for day two, which increase exponentially for day three, and so on. It’s the butterfly effect, minus Keanu Reeves’ time traveling.

I’m a simple guy, so usually my questions are simple. But for some reason I can’t seem to get the answers to break down this man made global warming thing. Maybe someone can fill in the gaps but this is my understanding of the greenhouse effect:

The greenhouse gases that we are talking about are about 95% water vapor, about 3 ½ % carbon dioxide and 1 ½ % methane and nitrous oxide.   So my question is (and it is by no means the only one), if carbon dioxide increases are driving the earth temperatures up, and they are only 3 1/2 % of the greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere, why are we so worried about carbon dioxide and not about water vapor? And of that 3 1/2% of carbon dioxide, between 3 and 4 percent of that is human related. Is that an amount that is worth changing any behavior?

It seems to me, if we could do something about the water vapor, we would never have to worry about another cow fart; or my farts for that matter. On that issue my wife has accused me of singlehandedly altering the climate. I’m skeptical of this as well. We could set a thousand more coal fires in West Virginia, and I could run the AC in my car with the windows down and it doesn’t seem like it would make a difference to earth’s temperature. But still, we are getting ready to spend a great deal of money and make a great deal of sacrifice for something that doesn’t appear to make a great deal of difference.

Then again, maybe like with String Theory, I only think I understand the issue. But I do think I understand the people who think they understand global warming. They hate oil, and oddly enough, they hate carbon dioxide. Water vapor is uninteresting to them because it’s neither oil nor carbon dioxide, and there isn’t a damn thing anyone can do about it anyway. But they feel we are so important that all earth is a flutter at every Hummer that’s driven and every incandecent light bulb that’s left on after some one leaves the room.

I’m not willing to bet my home on a stock tip, even one that is a “sure fire” thing.  But considering what is being asked of us from Cap and Trade legislation, we are taking the chance that devastating our economy will save the planet. If I believed, really believed the planet was in that kind of danger and ruining our way of life would save it, then it would be worth it. But given the gaps in our knowledge, I’m willing to wait and see how the science shakes out.

That seems the safer bet.