The Harbinger

Taurus: Watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!Gemini: Fuck you lady, that’s what stairs are for!Cancer: Exes getting STDs! Leo: People taking pleasure in your pain!Virgo: Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken.Libra: Ain’t it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?Scorpio: What’s that, some kinda […]

Taurus: I am a vampire. I am a vampire. I am a vampire. I have lost my fangs.
Gemini: So I’m sad and I feel lonely.
Cancer: So I cry and I’m very angry.
Leo: And I eat some garlic.
Virgo: So I’m no more satanic. yeah yeah.
Libra: I am a vampire and […]

Aries - Your premonition is correct. He indeed is no longer playing a stinky Cuban. Besides the stint as a stinky Nicaraguan guard he is playing a stinky blogger. I think The GodFather meets Hispanic guard in the jungle was that same parody he gave up 6 figures for. I was being sarcastic, you […]

Aries – In the future, ironic I mention it here, you will be tasked to help with a controller for a LCD screen. Don’t do it. Not only will you get a nasty paper cut, but you will also stub your toe. I know I know, your welcome. I just saved your life.
Your lucky egg […]

Pisces - (February 20- March 20) So, I have one question for you….. DEAL….. OR……. NO DEAL??
Aries - (March 21 - April 20) You are the voice of reasoning in this world gone mad. You are the truly powerful. People shall quake at the sound of your dominating voice.
Taurus - (April 21 - […]

Pisces: You hate the gays? I hate them too! We should have gay sex.
Aries: Who knew you liked to grab male asses?! You should be ashamed.
Taurus: You should talk less about making out with girls. Hello! You are a girl. That’s just disgusting.
Gemini: One funny lesbian bitch.
Cancer: It has been […]

Aquarius: I regret to inform you that she hates you…really really hates you. Sorry.
Pisces: You know what they say…”there’s someone for everyone”…yeah, not so much.
Aries: Sorry Paul, maybe next year.
Taurus: Please don’t make a scene at the restaurant…he just has to tie his shoe.
Gemini: You might want to go ahead and order your own […]

In the coming two weeks your Cartoon Spirit Animal will be with you at every moment of your life…embrace its presence and
allow yourself to be guided and you will be fortunate. Homework is for extra credit.
# Aries - Your Spirit Cartoon Animal is Woody Woodpecker

“Ahahahaha, Ahahahaha, Ahaahaaha!”
Fortnight’s Homework: Climb a Tree.
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# Taurus - Your […]

Aries – I don’t know about you, but I’d love to see an Oscar, Golden Globe and Peace Prize all on the desk in the Oval Office. I mean, how cool! To bad you get all of them for stuff from people’s imagination. Let us know if you ever get something for actually doing […]

Sagittarius - You might want to check your stocking…something smells like feet.
Capricorn - OK…you can really lay off the eggnog now…no seriously.
Aquarius - I don’t think you were supposed to open THAT box…just saying.
Pisces- Dude…how many of those cookies are you going to eat…OK, but just one more.
Aries - Yeah brown Christmas Trees are sooo […]