“when can I expect a 200 word essay on Politics”

I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. I figured he thought I really was lilmike. So I said

“ummm what?”

The Jaf said that he wanted me to write 200 words for the next issue of the Harbinger. I didn’t know what to think. Either the ‘Kewl Kids Club’, an elitist club that likes to play inside jokes on people, was setting me up…. Or he really wanted me to write something.

After thinking it over I figured I’d give it a try.

The Jaf said I should think of a name but I really suck at that so I asked him for some suggestions. He came back with

“Proper Gander”

“A skewed View”

And

“Velvet cooter”

Yeah ok , it wasn’t velvet cooter but it was velvet something.. I liked it.. But I liked the other 2 choices more. I couldn’t pick between them so I said “screw it.. From here on out it will be know as…

“Proper Gander”
(A skewed view)

With the name out of the way I found out that I had a real problem. One that I didn’t know if I could fix. It seems as though I can go on and on and on about things (I know, right) and a 200 word limit was just way too restricting. Try as I might I couldn’t get my ‘rants’ down to 200 words. So I went to The Jaf and asked him what to do. His answer.. “Just write whatever and use however many words you want, I’ll find a space to put you” (we were using a newspaper column format back then)…… after I got the approval….well, history was made.

I’ve written about politics, rednecks, disasters, gay things, black things, retarded things , happy things, sad things , scary things, sexual things and of course Bush administration things. Hell I even wrote a sonnet. I have had a great time doing it every week or every other week or whenever I can. I don’t know if I have a ‘following’ anymore than any of us do. But I would still be doing it even if I didn’t. Why The Jaf and The Despot picked me I’ll never know… was it because of an elitist joke? Did they just need someone to fill a space? Or were they really interested in seeing what I’d do…. I still don’t know the answer to that and I don’t care. I’m just glad I was asked.

The Harbinger is going the way of dinosaur now. I’m sad to see it go. I have a routine of getting my Sunday morning coffee and clicking on the ‘Harb’ and reading it to start my day. I will miss that. It’s become a routine that I enjoy immensely so I will savor being able to this one last time today. Everyone who is or has ever been a part of the Harbinger has put their time and alot of effort into their words in the hopes of amusing, informing, predicting, comforting and feeding us all.

Thank you!

In case you are wondering what I am going to do with all these pent up words I will have now.. Or in case you are saying “Oh shit, ekg doesn’t have an outlet anymore.. Mommy, I’m afraid” Don’t worry, The Despot has been kind enough to offer me a space on the front page of Muchedumbre. I don’t have a set schedule yet but I have something to say pretty much all the time. (no, really HA!) So stop by and say “Hi” whenever you get a chance…. Or if your Fred send some **** my way on the weekends when you have nothing better to do but read a few entries.. J

Mickey, Geoff, Jacki, Sean, and everyone else who made the Harbinger possible… Thank you for everything you’ve done. Thank you for giving me the opportunity and the place to vent a little. It’s been a great ride and I’m sorry to see it go. My personalized desk name plate will always sit on the top shelf of my desk and I will always be grateful you included me in your endeavor.

(Btw, at this point . I am at 688 words…So ya see, I couldn’t do 200 if my life depended on it! HA!)

(and check the links )

So I figured this would be a funny way to look at Barrack.. I was inspired by lilmike saying he was happy to sit on info about Barrack until after he gets the nomination. So I said to myself, “Self! Lets see what’s out there on this Jr. Senator that noone really knows anything about.”

oh dear god… why did I do that?

I’m scared of this man now..

1st off….. an opinion piece from CBS.Com

–The Bad Company Of Barack Obama
National Review Online: The Senator’s “Change” Would Radically Alter This Country

Why is Barack Obama so comfortable around people who so despise America and its allies? Maybe it’s because they’re so comfortable around him.

He presents as the transcendent agent of “change.” Sounds platitudinous, but it’s really quite strategically vaporous. Sen. Obama is loath to get into the details of how we should change, and, as the media’s Chosen One, he hasn’t had to.

But he’s not, as some hopefully dismiss him, a charismatic lightweight with a gift for sparkling the same old vapid cant. Judging from the company he chooses to keep, Obama’s change would radically alter this country. He eschews detail because most Americans don’t believe we’re a racist, heartless, imperialist cesspool of exploitation. The details would be disqualifying.

MICHELLE
So, instead, we get glimpses. The most profound influence in his life, his wife Michelle, is notoriously less circumspect than her careful husband about where she’s coming from. Her college thesis, which Princeton tried to keep under lock and key, testifies to a race-obsessed worldview. She may have refined it, but she’s never grown out of it.

After four years at one of America’s most esteemed academic institutions, Michelle recoiled at the thought of “further integration and/or assimilation into a white cultural and social structure that will only allow me to remain on the periphery of society; never becoming a full participant.” That the sky has been the limit for her, that she has managed to ride the “periphery” from Princeton to Harvard Law School, to one of the country’s top law firms, and to a plethora of prestigious institutional positions, has not much altered her perspective. Through the windows of her mansion on Chicago’s south side, American society still appears as a caste system.

The United States, she says, is “just downright mean.” Never, prior to her husband’s presidential run, had she had a reason to feel proud of it, she told a campaign throng. But by last November, with Barack’s pursuit of the brass ring catching momentum, she suddenly got plenty proud. And confident: so much so that she was moved to tell MSNBC, “Black America will wake up and get it” — unite and carry him over the finish line.–

Michelle Obama scares the hell out of me. I have known black women with her attitude. Nothing can ever change what was done to a black man/woman/child in history. Nothing can ever be explained, forgiven or forgotten. They are fiercely proud of the hate that is shown to them, or the hate that they think is shown to them. Even when shown nothing but opportunity and kindness by whites, they will mock them behind their backs. . They will refer to themselves as “niggers’, not in the gangsta rap ’nigga’ form but in the hated racial form of the word. They are the ones who can never ever let slavery or any other black issue go because to do so would invalidate the ideas of the world that they have harbored their entire lives. It would take the power away from their pride. They dare people to do or say things to them that those people normally wouldn’t do. They bait them until they get an overblown, but understood reaction. Then they justify everything by telling themselves that they just knew it, that person hates black people.

If given power, she will be a dangerous woman. I fear her more than I fear Hillary or McCain.

Michelle Obama is Detta Walker.

Another look into Barrack’s past has to include the Rev. Wright. I don’t care if Obamanation thinks this is a dead horse or not. It’s serious and just because today he disavows him doesn’t excuse the 20 year service to this man. The Obama’s had to have believed in what this man was preaching. If they didn’t and stayed in his church, had him marry them and bless their children… then the Obama’s should be condemned for stupidity and feared because they are too naive and gullible and can be swayed by anyone with a pretty voice.

It’s either that or they agreed with The Rev and his teachings…

—Years earlier, the Obamas had gravitated to the baleful Rev. Jeremiah Wright, an unapologetic racist and hard Left firebrand. They were comfortable with him — and he with them.

By the senator’s own account, Wright is the inspiration for his memoir, The Audacity of Hope — the title is cribbed from a Wright sermon (“The Audacity to Hope”). For Michelle, who had written that a racial “separationist” would have a better understanding of American blacks than “an integrationist who is ignorant to their plight,” Wright’s Trinity Church mission statement had to resonate, right from its opening declaration:

Rev. Wright inspired his congregation – of which the Obamas were 20-year members — with “black liberation theology.” The doctrine is itself the inspiration of James Hal Cone, a professor of “Systematic Theology” at Union Theological Seminary in New York City.

Black theology refuses to accept a God who is not identified totally with the goals of the black community. If God is not for us and against white people, then he is a murderer, and we had better kill him. The task of black theology is to kill Gods who do not belong to the black community…. Black theology will accept only the love of God which participates in the destruction of the white enemy. What we need is the divine love as expressed in Black Power, which is the power of black people to destroy their oppressors here and now by any means at their disposal. Unless God is participating in this holy activity, we must reject his love.

For their part, the Obamas couldn’t get enough of Wright. Barack and Michelle had him marry them. They chose him to baptize their children, who were routinely exposed to Wright’s race-baiting bombast.

Which is it Obamanation? Is Barrack stupid or just hate-filled? You only have those two choices.

I think if you keep looking into the Obama’s and the people they associate with it’s pretty easy to see that that are far from stupid. Look at these associates

—BILL AYERS AND BERNADINE DOHRN
With this as background, is it really all that startling that Sen. Obama enjoys a friendly relationship with Bill Ayers and his wife, Bernadine Dohrn, a pair of terrorists?

I want to be clear here: Not terrorist sympathizers. Terrorists.

The mainstream media, in their zeal to elect a Democrat, are assiduously airbrushing Ayers: “an aging lefty with a foolish past,” as the Chicago Sun-Times has so delicately put it. In fact, it is the press that is rife with foolish, aging lefties. Ayers, by contrast, is an unapologetic terrorist with a savage past – one who beat the system he so reviles when, after his years of fugitivity, terrorism charges were dropped due to government surveillance violations. He’s “guilty as sin,” by his own concession, but “free as a bird.”

Ayers didn’t just carry a sign outside the Pentagon on May 19, 1972. He bombed it. As his memoir gleefully recalled, “Everything was absolutely ideal on the day I bombed the Pentagon. The sky was blue. The birds were singing. And the bastards were finally going to get what was coming to them.”

Ayers and Dohrn have done the actual dirty work of terror, while Jeremiah Wright draws the line at waving pom-poms. But the prism through which they assay the dirty work is precisely the same: America has it coming.

For them, that makes all the difference. It’s not terror, just chickens coming home to roost. “Terrorists destroy randomly,” Ayers rationalizes with nauseating arrogance, “while our actions bore … the precise stamp of a cut diamond. Terrorists intimidate, while we aimed only to educate.” Right. As her companion Discover the Networks profile illustrates, Dohrn now goes even further: insisting their bombings weren’t terrorist acts at all: “We rejected terrorism. We were careful not to hurt anybody.”

It was at the Chicago home of Ayers and Dohrn that Obama, then an up-and-coming “community organizer,” had his political coming out party in 1995. Not content with this rite of passage in Lefty World — where unrepentant terrorists are regarded as progressive luminaries, still working “only to educate” — both Obamas tended to the relationship with the Ayers.

Barack Obama made a joint appearance with Bill Ayers in 1997 at a University of Chicago panel on the outrage of treating juvenile criminals as if they were, well, criminals. Obama apologists say, “So what? People appear with other people all the time.” Nice try. This panel was orchestrated by none other than Michelle Obama, then an Associate Dean of Student Services. Ayers didn’t happen to be there — he was invited by the Obamas to educate students on the question before the house: “Should a Child Ever Be Called a ‘Super Predator?’”—

There is more…. There is so much more. McCain doesn’t have to go into ‘attack’ mode, there are so many others out there that will do it for him. Obamanation will say he barely knew Ayers. If that’s the case then why stand on his steps and start your political career? Were there no other steps in Chicago available that day?

Obamanation will say that it means nothing that Ayers was at the same appearance as Barrack and Michelle and they is right. Just like it really didn’t mean anything that John Kerry was at a speech at the same time Jane Fonda was. The difference is that Michelle Obama invited Ayers. And yet, Barrack doesn’t know him?

Which is it Obamanation? Is he gullible and stupid? Or is he lying?

What is wrong with us today? Is it that we just have to have a black man.. and any black man will do? I know dozens of white girls who feel this way. I watch every day as they talk about having more and more babies with this guy and that guy. “This” guy and “That” guy already have 2,3, and 4 kids with different women. Like the adopted child is the ‘en vogue’ thing in Hollywood, the black male is ‘in’ when it comes to young white men and women.

I say Good! Great! I’m all for it. In fact I don’t care what color anyone is. I am thoroughly sick and tired of race..I care more about who a person is and how they act and what they are capable of. Color has never been an issue with me. But what is not Good! What is not Great is the ‘any black man will do’ attitude of today.

Barrack Obama is the candidate of Hope. But what is his hope? Is it what he was preached to for 20 years? The hope that God will destroy America and her whites? Is it the hope of his friends Ayers and Dohrn, that America will finally get what’s coming to her?

Look, Hillary is far from being a Saint. The dead-list that follows in her wake is a little creepy. But we know what we are going to get with her. McCain is a little unstable and maybe we don’t know everything about him either. But we know what we’ll get with him. Barrack Obama is the question mark. He is the unknown. And in order to get to know him we can get to know who he has in his life. That is always a good indication of what kind a person someone is. Take a look at Barrack’s friends and pastors and ask yourself, would you be their friends? Would you sit in that church and listen to that services for 2 entire decades? Would you invite that man to speak at your family dinners or to teach your children?

Yes, America is ready for a black man to lead her.. But NO! any black man won’t do… Think about it. He his either gullible, naïve and borderline stupid for his choice in who invites to talk or who he hang around with. Or he’s one of them and believes in what they do. I don’t know which is more dangerous…do you? If you do know then tell me please. Because the way it’s looking this black man will be the one we get and I’d really like to know what exactly we’re getting.

btw, I found a clip on youtube that will be one of the 1st ’swift-boat’ ads against Barrack..In it even he admits he not experienced enough for the job.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gexyfVpFMU

sorry, but you’ll have to c/p that yourself…. this new wordpress is horrible when it comes to links,quotes,colors…grrrr

–Pope Benedict XVI arrives–

He gave a speech while at the White House, afterwards our brilliant President told him “Awesome Speech”

Really….? You’re President of the United States, Leader of the last Super Power and you’re going to tell the Pope, leader of the Catholic Church “Awesome Speech”…
Yeah, I gotta tell ya… I’m a little embarrassed.

This next one is interesting,

–EARTHQUAKE: 5.2 MAG SHAKES ILLINOS, INDIANA, MISSOURI, KENTUCKY–

An earthquake in Kentucky and Illinos? During the same time as the Pope’s visit? Is this God’s way of telling him “Awesome Speech”?

These next two make me fear for my children.

–UK Brown Says World owes Bush ‘huge debt of Gratitude’–

Uh, huh? What? A huge debt of what did you say? Gratitude? Did he say this with a straight face? Did the people he said it in front of control their laugher? And more importantly, did the media photogs get a pic of Gordon Brown‘s, Prime Minister of the UK, lips firmly affixed to George Bush’s ass?

–Judge: Harry Potter is gibberish.

JK Rowling is suing a fan because he is stealing her work and putting his name on it and publishing it. She’s taken her suit to the US courts and the Judge hearing had this to say about the 1st Harry Potter book…and I quote,
.
“I found it extremely complex,”

Harry Potter, a children’s book, is too extremely complex for a United States District Judge to read to his grandchildren. Oh Dear Jesus help me. .. Help my children to have a better, safer and smarter world.

Yes, I am a lot embarrassed.

–Pentagon paid $1.7 million to firms of polygamy bosses–

Another story of weird sex and the Republicans. I’m really not surprised by this. Btw what exactly was Cheney doing in Utah when he was on his ‘secret mission’ last year and the year before?

–Al Qaeda plans Baghdad hits, says U.S.–

That one is interesting also, especially when you read the next headline

–Opening soon in Baghdad: Largest U.S. embassy in the world with restaurants, 619 apartments–

Someone needs to alert Bush and Co. Not in an NIE or anything like that because we know that doesn’t work. Maybe a pretty banner plane? Because it seems that we have a…

–The $474 million facility is the largest U.S. embassy in the world, with 619 apartments for staffers as well as restaurants, indoor and outdoor basketball courts, volleyball court, and indoor Olympic-size swimming pool.–

In the same place where we say Al Qeada is planning a hit. Hey, don’t blame me. I told you our President was Brilliant.

I’m at a loss with this next one. I will never be able to prove it, but I’m sure Michelle Obama has a hand in it.

–Top House Democrat denounces Clinton campaign tactics
“Scurrilous” and “disingenuous” were among the words a top Democrat in the U.S. House of Representatives used on Thursday to describe Hillary Clinton’s campaign tactics in her bid to defeat Barack Obama for their party’s presidential nomination.
House Democratic Whip James Clyburn, of South Carolina and the highest ranking black in Congress, also said he has heard speculation that Clinton is staying in the race only to try to derail Obama and pave the way for her to make another White House run in 2012.

What is he trying to say?

“I heard it on the (House) floor today, which is telling me there are African Americans who have reached the decision that the Clintons know that she can’t win this. But they’re hell-bound to make it impossible for Obama to win”

Oh….. Ok…. I see…

ARE YOU FUCK………….ahem……. Are you fucking kidding me? Now Michelle Obama has her minions starting rumors that Hill is only in it because she wants to make sure Obama doesn’t win.

Isn’t that the point? Isn’t the point of her campaign to stay in it so she can win and not the next guy?

Unfortunately the racial message on this little bullshit remark can’t be missed. Hillary is staying the race because she hates black people.

Michelle Obama is bordering on “Rove-territory’ here with starting this story. …..Hillary staying in the race so she or McCain can win…. Oh my fucking God!

–Wright’s defense
Mr. Wright, who has acted as Mr. Obama’s spiritual mentor and retired in February as pastor of Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, said that he has never heard Mr. Obama repeat any of his controversial statements.

“Absolutely not,” Mr. Wright said. “I don’t talk to him about politics. And so he had a political event, he goes out as a politician and says what he has to say as a politician. I continue to be a pastor who speaks to the people of God about the things of God.”

Again, what are you trying to say?

“He’s a politician, I’m a pastor,” he said. “We speak to two different audiences. And he says what he has to say as a politician. I say what I have to say as a pastor. But they’re two different worlds.”

What the hell does that mean? Obama has to say what he says because he is a politician? Does this instill “Hope” in people? The pastor of your anointed leader, the man who married him, blessed his children and for 20 years advised him spiritually, says that your “golden boy’ says what he has to because he is a politician.

What does that mean? That Obama has heard Wrights hatred? Or that Obama agrees with Wright’s racism but can’t admit either one because he is a politician?

I wonder how the media will react to this. Probably like they have reacted to everything. They will ignore it because Hillary is a racist who is staying the race to make sure Obama doesn’t win….. And really that’s the bigger story. The woman who husband did more blacks than any other white President is the real racist, not the guy who sat there for 20 yrs listening to his pastor preach it.

And finally, this isn’t a headline, but it is news to us over here on the coast. Today at the Hess on wickham rd I saw the price of gas go up to $.3.69 a gallon. I was sitting there waiting for the train when I watched them change the price. $3.69 a gallon. What kind of insanity is that? $10 will now get you 2.7 gal of gas… IOW, if you have a 4×4 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited Edition, that will get you 35.1 miles of gas. Which is nowhere.

It’s scary that 5 weeks ago my grocery bill was $125 a week, and last week the same groceries cost me $201. It’s scarier that this isn’t going to get any better any time soon, in fact some annalists are starting to use the “D” word instead of just the ‘recession’ word.

Why? What the hell happened to our country?

And No, it’s not that there is a shortage of food like the media wants you to believe and will fuel until there is a shortage of food.

Last year, or maybe it was the year before, I remember it was summer and there were hurricanes, I sat and watched the price of a barrel of gas go up to $91.I watched as people panicked because the pump prices went up. We all thought then, Oh my God, gas is at $90+ a barrel. This is what scares me, this is what I don’t understand. Back then the price reflection at the pump was almost immediate. You could tell which stores bought their gas before the price jumps because they would always be selling it for way cheaper than the guy across the street who bought his at the current price. Today the gas is just a tiny bit higher than it was that summer. But the price of a barrel has gone up to $117. Where is the off set? What is keeping it at bay and for the love of God, when will it be reflected at the pumps? We can’t take much more, I know that I make an ok living, but I won’t if my grocery bill goes up by $75 every month for the same meager ‘mom food’. I won’t if the same miles I drive this week will cost me triple at the pump next week. I won’t when summer comes along in full tilt and FPL has to raise their rates again and the same power that I used last year costs me $100 more this year. Everything is going up except the finances of normal people. Those are staying the same and that would be ok if everything stayed the same, but since it’s not, normal middle class working families like mine are going to be hurting really bad.
Can McCain fix this? Hell no, he’s Bush the 3rd.
Can Obama? Not a chance. He’s all bark and no bite, even his pastor says he’s just talking like a politician.
Can Hilary? Not even on her best day. Even though she is the only one who even has shot, not on her best day. This mess will be around our shoulders for a decade or more. That is the legacy the current President left us.

$3.69+ for a gallon of gas. We were going to go to the movies tonight. But after gas to get there, inflated movie prices at the cinema world, popcorn and soda… I think we’ll have to pass. I think I’ll have use that $75 for something that we need instead of something that we want. How will this get any better when I can’t be the only one doing this.

I’ve been called insane and have been mocked. I’ve been told I’m stupid and make even more stupid comments and draw even stupider conclusions. Maybe that’s all it is, maybe it is just me and noone else is affected by any of this in any way. Maybe I’m chicken-bush-hater-little. Maybe I should be thankful because we haven’t been attacked. Who knows, All I know is that I am saving money this week and every week for one big blow out of a night.The truth is out there and on July 25th, I’m going to take my kids to the movies and see it.

But how ridiculous is it that a 2 income family of four has to start saving in April for dinner and movie in July….

John Yoo’s memo was rescinded nine months later by his Justice Department successor.

The Justice Department memo, dated March 14, 2003, outlines legal justification for military interrogators to use harsh tactics against al Qaeda and Taliban detainees overseas — so long as they did not specifically intend to torture their captives.

Even so, the memo noted, the president’s wartime power as commander in chief would not be limited by the U.N. treaties against torture.

“Our previous opinions make clear that customary international law is not federal law and that the president is free to override it at his discretion,” said the memo written by John Yoo, who was then deputy assistant attorney general for the Office of Legal Counsel.

……

“The whole point of the memo is obviously to nullify every possible legal restraint on the president’s wartime authority,” Jaffer said. “The memo was meant to allow torture, and that’s exactly what it did.”

The 81-page legal analysis largely centers on whether interrogators can be held responsible for torture if torture is not the intent of the questioning. And it defines torture as the intended sum of a variety of acts, which could include acid scalding, severe mental pain and suffering, threat of imminent death and physical pain resulting in impaired body functions, organ failure or death.

The “definition of torture must be read as a sum of these component parts,” the memo said.

The memo also includes past legal defenses of interrogations that Yoo wrote are not considered torture, such as sleep depravation, hooding detainees and “frog crouching,” which forces prisoners to crouch while standing on the tips of their toes.

“This standard permits some physical contact,” the memo said. “Employing a shove or slap as part of an interrogation would not run afoul of this standard.”

The memo concludes that foreign enemy combatants held overseas do not have defendants’ rights or protections from cruel and unusual punishment that U.S. citizens have under the Constitution. It also says that Congress “cannot interfere with the president’s exercise of his authority as commander in chief to control the conduct of operations during a war.”

I’m going to let that last part sit there for a minute.

Before I go on, I really have to ‘tourette’ for a second….power hungry, Ego-fucking-tistical, Should be thrown in jail and have to learn the law , worst President of all time and more dangerous to the United States than an outbreak of the plague, asshole…

I am so disgusted by the ”’I don’t have to follow laws b/c I’m President Bush” motto that this administration has adopted. But at the same time it is interesting to see first hand the falling of Rome. I am a history nut so it’s an honor to be able to view as it’s happening the end of a great civilization where Presidents had to follow laws and if they didn’t Congress would step in and in they didn’t the public would outcry and if they didn’t the print news would dig in and expose something….well, that kind of stuff is what fairy-tales are made of.

I have a question and I really hope to get a well thought out answer.

If our President can claim that he doesn’t have to follow international law… And have his lawyer prove the one-sided argument by saying international law is not federal and therefore the President of the United States is not subject to following them…….. then why in the FUCK did we go to war b/c Saddam was breaking international laws?

What kind of simple minded, ego-thumping, death-star-dark-lord did you fucking people elect…..not once, but twice?

what the fuck is wrong with you? I can’t blame him for being what he is… but I can goddamn well blame you for letting him get away with it.

Yes, YOU…. the ones who stood by and watched and/or cheered. The Media whores who said nothing, the pundits who explained how he was right and good and out for our protection….. or just simply “This is War-War-War”

How could you stand by and cheer while he invaded, captured and killed a president of sovereign country with the excuse of “He’s dangerous to the Iraqi’s and he’s breaking international laws and resolutions.” and then turn around and say “Republican-good…President Bush-good…he no break law because he no have to follow them”… Didn’t Saddam have just as much right to say International Law and US Federal Law is not Iraqi law so it does not apply to me”

You douche bags can’t have it both ways……….. But you will. You will because you are the types that can’t be wrong. You can’t come back 7 years later and say “Oh dear god was I drunk or just stupid, dude really…my bad”

By the way, you allowed your president to murder another president… I just thought you should know.

Remember the last part of that article I quoted above, the part that I let sit there. Do you remember what it said?

“..The memo concludes …that Congress “cannot interfere with the president’s exercise of his authority as commander in chief …during a war”

You let him decide that not even Congress can stop him if he wants it.

What have you done?

Centers Tap Into Personal Databases
Intelligence centers run by states across the country have access to personal information about millions of Americans, including unlisted cellphone numbers, insurance claims, driver’s license photographs and credit reports, according to a document obtained by The Washington Post.
One center also has access to top-secret data systems at the CIA, the document shows, though it’s not clear what information those systems contain
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/01/AR2008040103049_pf.html

You’ve given him ‘above the law’ status.

You’ve given him mine and your entire personal information

You’ve given him all the rights and have let him take all of mine and yours.

Military skirting law to spy
The military is using the FBI to skirt legal restrictions on domestic surveillance to obtain private records of Americans’ Internet service providers, financial institutions and telephone companies, the ACLU said Tuesday.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080402/ap_on_re_us/national_security_letters

You’ve allowed the military to investigate it’s own civilians on it’s own soil.

Memo Justified Warrantless Surveillance
For at least 16 months after the Sept. 11 terror attacks in 2001, the Bush administration believed that the Constitution’s protection against unreasonable searches and seizures on U.S. soil didn’t apply to its efforts to protect against terrorism.
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080402/D8VQ1NG80.html

In some cases you’ve stood by and cheered because you are a republican and he is a republican and really, it’s not like were are really losing anything… Plus, we haven’t been attacked again have we?

In other cases you watched and kept silent for fear of being labeled unpatriotic for thinking the President is wrong. Because we all know that if anyone is infallible it’s the President because they screen for that kind of thing before letting him take the oath.

You’ve attacked the others who have tried to show you the dangers you are allowing. You’ve called them ‘crazies’ and ‘conspiracists‘. You made them out to be a members of the “Fox Mulder Club” and belittled them at every corner.

Shame on you. Bush may have wanted to turn the United States into something that resembles Saudi Arabia or Cuba, but he couldn’t have done it without You.

Was it worth it you son of a bitches?

Do you feel safer?

Do you even care?

“It’ll be, ‘When was the last time? Did you ever give drugs to anyone? Did you sell them to anyone?’”

“There are so many openings for Republican dirty tricks. It’s hard to overcome,” Shaheen said.

who remembers that?

It was said by a Hillary person, it was said about passage from Obama’s book where he talks about how he smoked pot, drank and when he had the money, snorted coke. These are Obama’s words, not Hillary’s or her people. The point Shaheen made is a valid one… If Obama gets the nomination the Republicans will use this against him. The irony here is that there isn’t anyone out there running who knows this better than the wife of the man who ‘didn’t inhale’. That fact alone qualified her and her people to make that comment. And yet, Obama screamed racism when a ‘white‘ commented on his memoirs.

The race issue has been the pink elephant in the room that everyone is trying to ignore. To keep it hidden, Barracks people have jumped on any slight that has been thrown at him. It doesn’t matter if it’s a comment taken directly out of his book or not. To say it out loud and to be white when you say it makes it racism. But to say

“No, no, no, not god bless America, god damn America!”

or

“The government lied about inventing the HIV virus as a means of genocide against people of color.”

and

“…people of color had not gone away, faded into the woodwork or just ‘disappeared’ as the Great White West went on its merry way of ignoring Black concerns”

Well, that just makes you the crazy uncle who everyone loves.

Let me ask you something. Yes, we all have this crazy uncle, but do we spend a few days a week, every week for 20 years with him? Do we let our kids grow up around him hearing his craziness? And when we are forced to spend time with him, do we take our kids to the side and say “now honey, your uncle is just crazy, so don’t you go listening to a word he says.”

Has anyone asked that question yet, What about his kids?

We know Obama has taken them with him when he goes to church, we know that Reverend Wright is a racist and filled with hate towards whites and America. We know that Obama thinks he’s just a cute old uncle and doesn’t agree with him but still loves and supports him. What we don’t know is what Obama tells his kids after hearing one of these ‘white-hate’ speeches? Or one of the many “Anti-American’ sermons. Does he or his wife pull the children aside before or after church to tell them just to ignore what Uncle Reverend is saying, because even though we love the sinner, we hate the sin? Obama said he doesn’t agree with the good pastor and that’s great, it really is. He even gave a thoughtful speech on the subject. But has he given this speech to his kids?

Obama’s is a campaign of hope and change. Given what’s been said this last week I have to wonder what kind of change and what kind of hope he’s talking about. When a man can be ‘spiritually advised’, married by, have his kids baptized by and then exposed to such racial hate mongering, what kind of change is he looking to instill? What kind of hope are his children looking forward to? And after being raised on this kind of hate every week in church, what kind of adults are they going to grow up to be?

If I sent my children to the KKK every Sunday for their ‘spiritual guidance’ would I be hating the sin and loving the sinner also? Or would I be perpetuating the problem by living unchanged in stagnant pool of despair?

For years and years I’ve heard how blacks can’t be racist or spreaders of hate. This week I saw a black man running for president try get away with hate and fear mongering for just this reason. The question is will we let him. We have a choice in this country. We can accept that black people have a hatred towards white people and they are entitled to it. As whites we can hang our heads in ‘white-guilt’ shame and say, “yes, you can hate my skin color‘. We can treat ‘race’ like it is a ‘3rd rail’ because as white or non-blacks anything we say about race will only and will always be construed as a form of racism.

Sure, we can do that.

But if we do, I can tell you that there will be no ’uniting’ of the races. There will be no ’hope’ or ’change’. Because while whites have to live with their ’guilt’ out in public, in private they don’t think they have done anything wrong. They know they have treated everyone equally but because of something that was done to one race of people hundreds of years ago, they still have to bow and pay reparations today. Because of that, t he feeling of unfairness will not go away. The feeling of entitlements will not go away. Nothing will change and the hope will die.

That is one option. Or, at this moment, in this election we can come together and say “Not this time” No, Not this time will I allow you to threaten me with being called ‘racist’,. not this time will I sit back and let any one of any color damn American and lay blame for all their woes past and present at the feet of another race simply because of history. Not this time will I say, yes, you can hate me for my skin color and that is ok because you were oppressed once. Not this time will I allow you to point the finger at the other campaign and say they have used the race card when they are not the ones promoting and preaching hate and fear to the children and future generations in their congregation.

No not this time. This time we need to say enough! Uncle or no, You cannot teach your children to hate a race of people because of their skin color. That time is over. That time is dead. This is the time to move on. This is the time to heal. This is the time to teach our children to love everyone…. I will not ignore it this time. Barrack Obama, Shame on you! Shame on you for promising change and giving us hope while allowing your children to be taught hate by the crazy uncle. Maybe if your pastor and other pastors across the nation and across the times had practiced what you yourself have been preaching, change and hope would have come to us already. But for now, until all hate is stamped out, to dream of any kind of change is fruitless and destructive. For what will your preachers preach come Sunday if you do not win? Love all colors and all people of the United States? Or will they preach that once again the white man kept his foot on the neck of a good black man?

No Mr. Obama, not this time. Take your hate and your fear elsewhere, Because this country needs the unity of all races and all colors. And until you learn that and preach that to your children, you are no better than those that you condemn for hating your color.

FDA Approves 1st Drug for Obese Dogs

and I wrote an blog about it.Since it bears on my current topic, here’s a recap.

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Proper Gander
a skewed view

I sit here today with my mouth open and my mind boggled. I’m stunned! No, I’m past stunned and entering into a whole new world of shock. I can’t believe what I have just read. What has me so flabbergasted you ask? I’m sure you’re thinking it must be Bush’s intention to increase the troop level in Iraq against the wishes of … Well, everyone. But no, there is something out there more staggering than that.

FDA Approves 1st Drug for Obese Dogs

WASHINGTON (AP) — Is your hound round? Too much flab on your Lab? Is your husky, well, husky? A new drug may provide some help.

The government approved the first drug for obese canines on Friday. Called Slentrol, the Pfizer Inc. drug is aimed at helping fat Fidos shed extra pounds.

“This is a welcome addition to animal therapies, because dog obesity appears to be increasing,” said Stephen Sundlof, director of the Center for Veterinary Medicine at the Food and Drug Administration.—-

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! This can’t be a headline on drudge, yahoo and cnn. We can’t really be so fucking lame, weight conscious and lazy that our scientists had to find a ‘doggie diet pill’ before finding a cure for something like….I don’t know… Cancer!
I love my dogs. I really do. The newest one, a fawn Chihuahua mix I got for my birthday has barely touched the ground since he came into my household. For Christmas I bought him a bright pink tutu to go with his leather studded collar. Cujo is the man in pink and leather! As much as I love him and Fatty tho, and as much as I spoil the shit out of them I will NEVER stoop to the craziness of diet pills!
Of course just by his name, you can tell one of my dogs might actually need them. Fatty is a cross between so many dogs that he looks like a lab/chow mix that’s had his legs chopped off at the knees. But he is the coolest dog I’ve ever had. He’s my ‘hippie’ dog. You’d think he was named for a blunt instead of a weight problem-HA~! but when he gets too ‘fatty’ I’ve learned a little trick that I am seriously considering patenting and selling online. Here’s what I do

1. Stop feeding him so much!

Fucking Genius I tell ya! Genius!

Come on people! it’s a DOG! It can’t eat unless you feed it! If it’s too damn fat then cut back on the food! I know we can’t cut back on the food ourselves, but Christ on a bike! Use some common frigging sense! Yes fat kids are a problem too but they make more noise than dogs do so we have to feed them Mc’Ds and KFC. Plus HRS gets all pissy when you only feed them once or twice a day. But the ASPCA is cool with you only giving Fido his one or 2 cups of food a day.
Stop the madness people! Let our scientist go back to real research on another dick pill. Tell Fido NO he can’t have another milkbone and get a ball and play ‘fetch’ with him! Hell you don’t even have to leave the couch for that because you just throw the ball and the dog brings it back to you!
I thought the Paul Mitchell shampoos and conditioners at my local “Hair Cuttery” was the most insane pet product I’d ever see. I’m sad to say I was wrong! Diet Pills for dogs! Fucking amazing! What kind of world are we leaving our children? Well besides a world with svelte dogs that have beautiful hair that is.

___________________

At that time I thought we couldn’t get anymore ‘weird’.. Plain and simple, diet pills for dogs is the reason they want to kill us.

I know, I know…It’s embarrassing to be associated with a species that is too weird to just stop feeding their dogs when they get fat.

It’s embarrassing to know all the other species are pointing and laughing at us.

Yes, this may be the reason they want to kill us. .. But I’ve always said, this isn’t the reason why we should let them. Sure we give our pets diet pills. Sure we can’t get enough news about a washed up pop princess and her random meltdowns. Sure we elected a retard twice. But there is nothing out there reason enough to justify our extinction..

Hooo boy am I wrong about that. We’ve reached or summit. We can finally say “YES! we are too stupid to live, Put us out of our misery”

Are you ready..

…

Are you sure?

…

This will change your life…

Once you’ve read this you can never go back. You will always and forever know that we are… truly stupid. You will know that we should be wiped from existence before we infect the world anymore than we already have.

…

…

Suicidal pets get anti-depressants
PETS at risk of self-harm are increasingly being prescribed anti-depressants because they cannot discuss problems in their lives with others, a leading veterinarian says.

.

..

…
You see, there really is No hope for mankind…

We finally got everyone together. We were such a weird group HA!. Mark and Tammy were there. Mark was a total stoner surfer and we called her “slammy-tammy” for reasons I don’t need to get into. Truck and ‘body builder’ Mike were there in Mike’s candy apple-red late 80’s mustang GT. Vinnie and ‘long-haired’ Dave showed up in Vinnie’s Granada that they had driven all the way from New Haven Connecticut because they heard Guns and Roses “Paradise City” and wanted to where the ‘grass was green and the girls were pretty’. Anne and Becky were also there in Anne’s Suzuki Samurai . I don’t care what the rednecks say, that samurai was bad ass. We took that thing thru more mud than any other ‘monster truck’ and never once got stuck. It was so light and the axle length was so short that it never got caught in the ruts and just floated over all the mud holes. Goddamn we had a great time in that car.

I don’t know who did it, but someone started the bon-fire and we were just all sitting around it drinking beer that Body-Builder Mike had been able to buy. He really was a body builder. It’s not like he was a tall guy called ‘shorty’ or a fat guy called ‘slim’. He was ‘juicing’ but that was ok because the only thing anyone knew about it back then was that it gave your kids brain tumors. And really what 17 yro dude thinks about his future kids.. Anyway, because he was such a big guy, he never got carded. So we supplied the money and he’d do the beer runs. That night though Mark and Tammy had also brought some peppermint schnapps and Maddog 20/20..

Oh my god was that a vile combination.

But it probably saved my sanity later on.

We were chugging a combo of MD and Schnapps and chasing that with warm Busch beer to get the putrid taste out of ours mouths. .. How funny is that? Chasing anything with Busch beer to get the taste of the beer in your mouth. That should tell you just how vile the MD/Schnapps was.. But it served its purpose to a bunch of teenagers looking to get drunk and have fun.

While we were ‘slamming’ we all decided who would go with who in what car. It doesn’t really matter now who was with who and where, the main thing was that I was picked to go with Brian in Vinnie’s Granada. I won’t lie… I was excited about it. He was a very good looking guy. I could see that I wasn’t the only one who thought so either, Tammy, Becky and Anne hadn’t been able to keep their eyes off of him. So yeah, I was very happy to be going with the new, hot guy. But it wasn’t just his looks either. He had stepped in between me and Mike, he had come to my rescue so to speak and he always seemed to say just the right thing. I really thought I could like this guy.

I also won’t lie and say I wasn’t drunk either. I wasn’t a slobbering idiot, but I was pretty wasted. It’s hard to look back on all this now. Only because everything that happened that night was my fault. I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t slut myself up or lead him on. But I did go into the situation without a care in the world. I never thought of what could happen. When I think of how easy and innocent everything that lead up to what happened was, I am always stricken with immense fear for my daughters. They just don’t get how easily something so innocent can go so horrible.

Anyway, Tammy and Mark were ‘rabbit’ first. They took off and we all sat around the fire for a little longer before we all go into the cars and started the hunt. Since Brian was new to the area I had to show him which way to go. Since it was night and we were in the woods and I was a little wasted it didn’t take long for us to get lost. HA! But to be honest, I sometimes think that’s part of the game. For the guys anyway. That way they have a reason to be alone in the dark with their girl. I guess this was probably the redneck version of running out of gas. HA! Well while we were ‘lost’ we decided it was best to just sit tight for a few minutes so t hat maybe we’d see someone headlights and we could follow them out or just get a bearing of where we are.

Brian and I didn’t talk a lot, but we didn’t sit in silence either. I asked him how he liked it here so far and he told me that he thought it was pretty cool. It wasn’t Alabama he said, but so far he thought he’d be happy here. I asked him again if he would be going to our school and I think that was the first real time my ‘self’ told me something wasn’t exactly right.

“well, I got into some trouble. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t do anything wrong but I was expelled from school so I’m not sure if I can go to school here or not” He told me.

When I asked him what he did, he smiled. It wasn’t a good smile but it wasn’t evil either. It was just wrong. “I was dating this bitch who said I raped her. I didn’t. I slept with her, but that’s all it was. Well she didn’t like that so she whined and I got in trouble for it.”

When he said it, I knew he was lying. I knew! I knew ! I knew it! But I ignored it.

We talked about how she had gone to her parents and they had gone to the police. He told me that she had written him a note in class telling him that if he didn’t go out with her she would tell people that he raped her. When I asked why didn’t show the note to the police he told me that he had thrown it away. It all came down to her word against his. But since he had been arrested, his high school had expelled him. I really didn’t see how he would be kept out of school here just because some bitch made up a story like that. I told him that those kind of girls really pissed me off. Those kind and the kind that pretend they are pregnant to keep their boyfriends really deserved everything they got.

Once again that ‘wrong’ smile popped up on his face.

I don’t know how things happened next. All I can say is, it just did. One second we were just sitting there and the next he was leaning over and kissing me I still remember the feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach.. You know the one. You feel it from the inside of your belly-button all the down to your naughty parts. It’s a heat and a shock at the same time. It was good. It felt good and I was happy to let him keep kissing me until things started getting a little to ‘hot’.

He tried to push me down on the seat, but that was just too much too soon. So I resisted and broke off from the kiss. I tried to talk but he just grabbed me by the back of my neck and started kissing me and pushing me down again. This time I didn’t really fight it.

Now, I want to say something. I didn’t not fight him because I decided I would fuck him. But sometime girls just give in. It’s not a green light to go ahead and do what you want. It’s more of a “oh.. Ok damnit, but really this is as far as its going.” I really really didn’t know the danger I was putting myself in. You have to understand that. I know now and I should have known then but I didn’t. I don’t know if that is something that only a girl can relate to but I didn’t mean for anything to happen just because I let him push me down.

But once I was down, there really was no way I could come back up until hours later when he was finally done..

There were so many mistakes that night. I see them now clear as day. But never then. Not once did I see them then. Take for instance what I had been wearing. It was the 80’s and the black ‘stretch’ material mini skirt with the concert tee-shirt tied on one side was in and it is what I had on. I don’t know what happened to that “Open up and say Ahh” Poison tee shirt. I’ve thought about it randomly through the years, but I don’t remember ever seeing it again after that night.

Brian tried to run his hand up my leg but I nicely pushed him away and said ‘Nu-uh” and giggled. I expected the “ahh come on” or the “shhhh, I won’t do anything” from him but he didn’t even waste the time. He grabbed my throat and pushed me hard into the seat then slipped his hand up my skirt and pulled/ripped my panties off before I realized the trouble I was in. He started kissing me again, hard. He kept his hand on my throat while he was doing it. I tried to twist my head from one side to the other, but he had me pinned by the neck between his hand and the seat. I couldn’t move my head away from him at all. So many things started happening then at once and started happening so fast that I didn’t know what to do first. I was trying to move my head away from his mouth because he was hurting me and I was trying to turn my neck in his hand because he was choking me. At the same time I was trying to push him off of me with my hands and trying to get my knees up to push him off. But I was pinned. My knees and legs were of no use. All I could do was squeeze him. I could feel his other hand messing with his pants and I tried to push him off me while at the same time trying to make his other hand let go of my neck. I didn’t know which to do first so I was doing both. If you take anything from this, take heed here. Do one or the other. Either use both hands to fight him off your neck or your body. Decide which one and stick with it. Because you can’t do anything when you are trying to do both.

Even when he slammed himself into me, I still didn’t understand what was happening. The pain was immediate and intense. I wasn’t a virgin , but it felt the same as it did the first time I had sex. It felt like fire and wet at the same time. Later, I saw how huge he was and knew why it hurt so bad. .

When he wasn’t kissing me or choking me or even putting his hand over my mouth and nose, I was begging him to stop. But he kept on thrusting as hard as he could into me. On and on it went. At one point I tried to bite him and that was when he punched me for the first time. I think it was a combination of the alcohol, fear, shock and that punch that finally did me in. I didn’t black out, but I did give up. I submitted. I stopped yelling, I stopped squirming, I stopped pushing, I stopped fighting… I stopped and let him fuck me.

When he was finally done he just laid there on top of me breathing hard. He raised up his head to look at me but I couldn’t look at him. I was too embarrassed to look at him. He had just taken me in the most violent way and I was too embarrassed to look at him. I mean how could I face him. I had let him fuck me.. What the hell did he think of me now?

Which is another girl thing. It wasn’t about “you won’t respect me in the morning” but it was. I can’t explain it. As girls we’ve allowed guys to do things to us that we normally wouldn’t. We’ve caved in at the last moment, we’ve ‘submitted’. Even though we did nothing wrong, we have had it beaten into our DNA that we really did.

He started kissing my neck, telling me how good it was, how he hoped he hadn’t hurt me too much when he hit me. He said that he didn’t mean to do it that it just happened. He started caressing my face, my shoulders, my breasts down to my stomach and then my inner thigh all while kissing my neck, my face and my lips. It was the most sensual experience I’d ever had. It was so kind and so loving. All the while he was doing it I was crying. He was wiping the tears away with his fingers and his lips. He kept saying over and over again “ssshhhh, sshhh, it’s ok..sshhh I’m not going to hurt you.” As he was doing this I could feel him getting hard again. I tried to get up again but he wouldn’t let me. He just kept kissing my face and neck. He put one of his hand underneath my ass and pulled me up and closer to him and then he went into me again.

He was gentle this time. With each thrust he would lightly kiss the top of my head, neck or mouth. He was saying things. Telling me he wasn’t going to hurt me. Telling me how good I felt. How good I was. When he came that time he came hard. He pushed into me so hard that I felt myself tear. Again he just laid on top of me breathing hard when he was done. Twirling my hair in his fingers. Acting like we were true lovers instead of what we really were.

I don’t know how much time went by from the second time and when Vinnie came over the CB asking us where the hell we were. It could have been an hour or it could have been a second. But when I heard Vinnie’s voice I started shaking. I was so happy to be a part of the world again and so scared to be found in the condition I was in. I was petrified. I knew that they would all know what had happened. One look and they would know that I had been letting Brian fuck me. At the same time, Brian couldn’t hurt me anymore, my friends were there. I could go home now.

I was wrong. It would be a few hours before I could go home.

When I refused to give him head he punched me again and cracked my jaw. Because I cried out when he did that he pushed me over on to my stomach and sodomized me. He was so pissed. He was pissed that I refused to give him head. I would have, at that point I had surrendered to him and he dominated me anyway he wanted to, but he was just too big. I couldn’t get my mouth over the head of his dick. He didn’t believe me and it pissed him off. He hit me 3 times, I don’t know which one broke my jaw but I know I screamed after the second one and he went insane with anger. When he turned me over, he pushed my face into the back of the seat and grabbed my throat from behind. He pulled my head back and said “You fucking bitch..too good to suck my dick? You’ll be begging me to fuck your mouth before I’m done”

I cried the entire time. It hurt. It hurt me in ways I can’t describe. It hurt me for weeks after. He was right though. I did beg to suck his dick. He asked me “Do you want to suck my dick yet?” and I screamed “YES! PLEASE! YES, STOP!” He just laughed. When he was getting close to finishing he started saying “You like it don’t you.. You want me to come in your ass don’t you?” Oh God it hurt. I couldn’t move anywhere, I was stuck between him and the seat. I couldn’t push him anywhere because he was backed up against the dash. There was nowhere either of us could go. He just kept thrusting into me faster and faster until he pushed so far into me that the pain sent a shock all through out my body. From the pit of my stomach to the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I felt him come all through out my body. And I was done. All I could do was lay there. I couldn’t even cry anymore. I was done.

It was getting really late by now. I found out later that almost everyone had gone home. They all pretty much figured that we didn’t want to be found because we were messing around. Well there were right and they were wrong. Vinnie came over the CB and told Brian to just take the car to Dave’s in the morning and he’d get it there. And he went home with Anne. Dave, my friend Dave. He wanted to talk to me. Brian told him I was using outside using the bathroom and that he’d have me get back to Dave when I got back to the car. He turned the CB off and looked at me. Up until then I thought I had know what scared was. I thought there was really nothing more that he could do to me to scare me. But when he looked at me and told me “Say anything and I’ll kill you” I knew what fear really was. See up until that moment I never once thought I would die. It never crossed my mind. But when he said that, I knew he meant it. So I radioed Dave and I didn’t say a fucking thing.

Dave asked if I was going to get a ride home with Brian. He was mad I could tell. Later on we made up but I never told him what happened that night. I knew it was my fault and I knew Dave knew it was my fault. I was willing to forget about the whole thing and we never mentioned that night to each other.

I told Dave that I’d get a ride home with Brian and that I’d talk to him in the morning. ( I didn’t ). He said “Ok, later” and that was the last time we were interrupted.

When he was finally done with me that night and ready to take me home, I found out that we weren’t lost at all. He knew where he was and the worst part was that we weren’t that far from the road and a Jiffymart. Ha! Here I thought I was out in some foreign land where night never ends when I was really ½ mile from safety and a world I knew.

I knew I was going to have to sneak into my house because it was almost dawn and I was really late. Brian pulled into the vacant lot by my house and leaned over to kiss me. I didn’t try to stop him. When he was done with the kiss he silenced my story forever… for until just now, I’ve never told a soul.

“I know where you live ya know”

And that was it. That was all he had to say.

I never knew how he got all the blood out of the car. But I know he did because Vinnie never said anything. I drove with Vinnie a few times after that night and never saw any sign of what went on in the car. It was like it never happened. I never found my panties and like I said I don’t know what happened to my Poison shirt. I know what happened to my skirt. Even though it was black you could see the blood stained on it. I put it under my mattress until the next day when I took it into the woods next door and cut it up and buried it.
I told my parents that I had been in a fight and that’s what happened to my face and my jaw. My dad was a redneck.. I was raised to fight. It wasn’t a stretch. They believed me.

5 weeks later I was having severe cramps. I thought I was going to die. I hadn’t seen a doctor for any of the tearing, I had been treating myself and I had healed pretty good. I took it easy during that time. I had my mom write me a note to get out of PE. I would change pads 5 or 6 times a day and use an piece of fresh aloe to wipe off with. I took laxatives and drank as much liquids as I could stand. I had had chicken pox the summer before and had run out of calamine lotion one night so I had to sit in a cool bath until my mom got home with more lotion. I remembered that and each night would sit for a hour or more in a warm bath, soaking myself and hoping I was healing ok. Then the cramping started and I was scared that I might have gotten an infection.

I had. But not the kind I thought.

I was also bleeding. I couldn’t stop. It wasn’t like a period, it was heavier, messier. I had been bleeding on and off the entire time since that night, but this wasn’t the same. This was bad, really bad. Finally I had no choice, I had to go to the doctor. I found out that I had PID, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease…. Or what happens when let Chlamydia go untreated.

PID.. Chlamydia.. Fucking on the first meeting.. Anal Sex… I couldn’t have felt more like a dirty whore if I had tried.

I know that it wasn’t my fault. I know that I was a victim. I know that I was NOT a dirty whore. But I also know that that is just a bunch of shit.

It’s taken me along to move on from this. I’ve thought about how I would have done things differently. I thought that maybe if I had scratched his eyes instead of trying to move his hands away from neck. Maybe if I had bitten his tongue when he was kissing me. Maybe if I had screamed a little more or fought a little longer and a lot harder none of it would have happened. Who knows though. Maybe it wouldn’t have. Or maybe instead of some bruises, a broken jaw and getting fucked every which way, I would have gotten all of that and then some. Maybe I would have ended buried out there in the dark alien world I was lost in.

I’ve seen Brian exactly 3 times since that night. I saw him twice in the months that followed and then not again until last year. I had heard that he went back to Alabama and that was really it. But last year I was walking out of Macy’s and there he was. He didn’t see me at first. . It’s funny, not in a ‘haha’ way, but in an ‘wtf’ way. When I saw him I was embarrassed again. It was like seeing that drunken one stand we’ve all had months later. I didn’t know whether to turn and walk away or turn and run away. I wasn’t afraid. That part is dead in me. The fear, it’s gone. I read a book once that said women should have something to fear in life or it makes them hard. Women who have gone through the worst are harder for it and not for the better. I had gone through the worst and I had no fear. But the ‘girl’ in me was still embarrassed.

When he did finally notice me he smiled. It wasn’t the ‘wrong’ smile I remembered from the car. It was the kind, considerate, gentleman’s smile that I had seen after he had saved me from Mike. The smile that said “shhhh I’m here.. And I’m going to love and protect you. Nothing will ever hurt you again.”

He opened his mouth to say something.. But that smile. How could he smile like that? And to me? I don’t really remember what happened, but the people that saw it have told their stories enough that I at least know what I did.

I stuck my arms out and ran at him. I shoved him with everything I had. He wasn’t expecting me of all people to be there and he wasn’t expecting me of all people to shove him, so he went backwards… hard. The truck that hit him was one of the jacked up ones with the lift-kit and big tires. Because he didn’t expect me to shove him and he was falling back, the grill of the truck struck him in the head. A lady who was the 3rd witness in the trial said she can still hear the sound of his head colliding with the grill of that truck.

I guess I’m lucky since I don’t hear that sound. I don’t hear the screams that people said they did. I don’t hear the screech of the brakes from the truck or the agony in Brian’s voice as he begged for helped. I don’t hear the ambulance sirens or the busyness of the scene. All I hear is Brian whispering how good I was, How good I felt, How he wasn’t going to hurt me, How he just wanted to make me feel as good as I made him feel. But most of all, I hear him saying “I know where you live ya know”

Now, I’m the one smiling.

Click HERE for a link

If you’re ready now, then let’s go…

…

We decided to drive out to beach-side Wendy’s to eat because it was on the boardwalk and we wanted to see who all was out. When we got there it was lined with cars like any other weekend night so we decided to hang out awhile before heading out to play Rabbit. Brian wasn’t too happy about that, he wanted to head out and get the game started but Dave just ignored him and parked. I started to notice then that Dave just didn’t want to be around Brian anymore. I didn’t really know why though. I thought it might be a jealousy thing because I couldn’t stop staring at how hot Brian was and I felt bad. Dave really was a great friend. But that’s all he would ever be to me. We just didn’t click any other way. I gave Brian an “I’m sorry” look because I felt bad that Dave had dissed him like that. He just smiled and winked and I forgot all about it instantly.

I saw some people that I knew and ran over to them while Dave and Brian went into Wendy’s to get some food. Andy was there and she didn’t look to happy. I walked up to ask her what was going on and saw that she was more than unhappy, she was pissed . It had to be the boyfriend again. They had the on and off again thing every 5 minutes, it was really old and everyone was sick of it especially me, so I kinda blew her off and went on towards the boardwalk. I knew this would piss her off even more but I just couldn’t listen to her talking about how he was cheating on her again. God, if he did it once or twice then ok. But dude, he’d sleep with someone behind her back once or twice a week. Get Over Him! (no I didn’t say this, but I should have) . I figured I’d let someone else calm her down and then I’d hang out with her afterwards, I just didn’t want the drama that night.

I look back at that now and laugh. Yeah, I didn’t want the drama of a teenage boy cheating on his teenage girlfriend. The next morning (and every morning since) I probably would have sold my soul for that to be the only drama in my life. But right then I didn’t know how I would welcome that kind of drama. I couldn’t know, noone knows how the future is going to turn out. As a teen all you do know is that you’re indestructible. Nothing can really hurt you. You float through life thinking the most important thing out there is front row tickets to the next Motley Crue concert. Or where you are going to get the money for a pair of $50 Guess jeans. Or even how you are going to stop your boyfriend from cheating on you with every girl he sees. I guess it’s a blessing that you don’t know what’s really out there. I guess like it’s blessing that you teethed when you’re a baby because an adult would go insane from the pain, as a teen when you’re supposed to be exploring your life and finding your place, if you truly knew they kinds of monsters than ran among you you’d never leave your house and live as a shut-in for eternity…

I also look back and laugh because even though I didn’t want any of Andy and her boyfriends drama, I was more than willing to start my own.

One person I saw that night that I didn’t want to see was Mike. We had dated for 2 yrs and I had finally grown a set and broken up with him. He was a great guy…. When he could keep his dick in his pants! (seems like Andy and I dated the same kinds of people-ha!). He was the ‘rebel’ at the other high school. He had the jet black hair, jet black eyes, dark tan, muscular body and the 71 mach I mustang. He was the total “James Dean” package.

Our breakup was a shock to Mike because I had never stood up to him before and he had never lost to anyone. I knew this and I have to say, my ego was on high when I saw him that night. It had been a couple weeks since I broke up with him, but I couldn’t help it. There was just something so exhilarating in having one over on him and I couldn’t just let it go.

Mike saw me walking in his direction and started to come over. He had his hand out and in it I saw the bracelet that I had given him for a birthday present the year before. On it I had engraved “I’ll love you always”. He handed me the bracelet and said “Here, I don’t want to keep this anymore..” and before he could finish…just as cool as a cat could be, I flicked my wrist and it flew it off my hand like it was bugger and flew into the garbage barrel that was right next to us. You could hear everyone in the area suck in the breath all at the same time and you could feel the ground rumble from all the jaws hitting the ground. It was a perfect moment.

But it was about to get more perfect.

(I didn’t see this part, but I still to this day hear about it. )

After I tossed the bracelet and it went into the garbage I turned and walked away. Mike on the other hand looked like someone had killed his puppy in front of him and then in front God and everyone at the crowded boardwalk that night, he went head first into t he garbage can to get the bracelet out. His friends saw what he was doing and just walked away without saying a word.

Here’s the ‘James Dean’ of High School dumpster-diving over a chick. I don’t know what was more stunning. My public refusal of him or his public humiliation.

When he found the bracelet he ran up to me and started yelling at me to stop! I finally I did and he said “I didn’t mean it that way.. I wanted to give it back to you and one day, when you love me again, you can give it back to me.” I was kind of stunned. I didn’t know whether to laugh or say ‘awwwwww’ so I did the only think I could think of, I turned to leave but he grabbed my arm. He grabbed it hard and it hurt. I think that the last 2 minutes were starting to sink in and he was getting pissed. “Oww. Damnit Mike that hurts” I yelled. He squeezed harder and started to pull me into him. I was trying to get away from him but back then I was a little thing. He was pulling me over to the dune while he was telling me to just to “relax and come here for a minute”.. later that evening I would hear those words again and the sense of déjà vu would almost knock me over… “No, I don’t want to come here! Let me GO!” I tried to jerk away but he held me harder. He had almost gotten me over to him and the dune when all of a sudden I felt something at my back and a slight wind over my head. I didn’t know what happened but all of a sudden Mike wasn’t pulling and hurting me anymore. He was falling down. From out of nowhere Brian was there and on top of Mike beating the hell out of him. Dave made it over in time and pulled him off but Brian kept shouting “What the fuck man! She said she didn’t want to come with you so get the fuck away from her!” as he shoved Mike to the ground again.

That was when I was introduced to true love!

Dave grabbed Brian’s arm and told him to take me away. Dave and Mike were pretty good friends. Hell Dave and Mike were pretty good friends with everyone. But so was I and Dave wasn’t sure how the new guy’s attack would be viewed by the locals. Would they stick up for me and say that Mike got what he deserved? Or would they back Mike and beat the hell out of the new guy?

Brian gently grabbed my arm and led me to Dave’s car. Dave wasn’t far behind him. I think he wanted to keep Brain close by to make sure anyone who had a problem heard the full story before another massive fight broke out to shut down the boardwalk. I think he also wanted to keep me and Brian in his sights.

Brian held my arm lightly as we were walking towards the car, “are you ok?” asked me

He was so kind and so gentle. I, on the other hand, was anxious and stunned.

“Yeah, I’m fine….. Holy shit, you just beat the hell out him… why?”

I’m still perplexed by what he did next. I don’t understand it. If there was one question I could ask him today it would be “why”, but not the “why” he would think, that one is somehow explainable. The “why” I want to know is… ‘When I asked you why you beat the hell out of Mike for grabbing me and pulling, why did you say what you did?” That’s the ‘why’ I want to know. A shrink would probably tell me that he said it to gain my trust in him and to put any apprehension Dave was having at bay. I don’t know if I agree with that or not. But it is true though. Dave did seem to be a little more ok with him after that. That whatever had passed between them before was now almost forgotten. As for me, I couldn’t have trusted him anymore than I did at that moment. Not only was he too hot to be anything but truly good, he was just so genuine that the only thing he could be was a first class southern gentleman.

“Because he was hurting you.. He doesn’t need to hurt you to talk to you! If he wants to hurt someone, he can hurt me….. And I’ll kill the fucker if he ever touches something that belongs to me again!”

……………

Once again, if you are still interested let me know…… I thought this would be very short and very hard to tell.. But it’s turning out that neither is true. Maybe it’s cathartic or something getting all of this out… but whatever it is, hard isn’t it.

As for the length. In my head it’s really short.. But then I’m working with the a events and the visuals so to me it’s fast…. But to put it all in words, to try and explain what was going on that night and how it ended the way it did, I feel like I have to give the whole story of that cold night….

I am sorry for that…. And like before….. Let me know what you think… the majority wins the outcome

Dave had called around 5pm to let me know that he’d be picking me up about 7pm. We were going to stop and get something to eat and generally waste time until it got dark because you couldn’t play ‘Rabbit’ in the day time.

Rabbit is like hide and go seek, only with CB’s and Cars. It’s a helluva fun game to play with your friends. Like I said, it’s like hide and seek and we all remember how much fun that was. Yeah… when your friends are with you the best part of the game is to see them walk right past you and know your spot is safe and they don’t see you.

But when you’re not with a friend, when he doesn’t want you to be found and brutally forces you into silence, watching your friends come so close to you that you can smell the beer they are drinking, watching them walk right past you, knowing that your spot is safe and they don’t see you is no longer the best part of the game. It’s the part that strikes the most terror in you still to this day.

When Dave got to my house he had a new guy in the car with him. He didn’t come up to the door with Dave but that wasn’t a huge deal because my dad was a big, bearded redneck so all the boys were afraid to come to the door. Except for Dave. My parents knew there was nothing but a good friendship there, because as sweet , kind and cool as Dave was… he was also very unattractive. He looked like Pippy Longstocking. Extreme red hair, freckles and totally awkward. My parents were cool with those kinds of guys coming to the door. Dave probably knew this to, I guess guys have a kinda ‘parent’ radar so he told the new guy to just sit in the car and wait.

Now the new guy, Brian, wasn’t unattractive… not unattractive at all. He was tall, muscular and very tan (I found out later he was part American Indian) He had silky, shiny, long straight brown hair and the most beautiful brown eyes. He literally dripped with hot. God he was sexy. But one look told me that there was nothing sweet or kind about him and I was glad he hadn’t come up to the door…. Well, at first.

Now picture this. This was just SO Dave. He was a computer geek and back then it wasn’t cool to be a computer geek, but Dave made it cool. He transformed his car radio system to rival anything Unique Whips could produce. It was amazing. I credit him with the whole sound system revolution. I really think it is what it is today because of Geeky Dave. Once he finished ‘pimping’ out the inside of his car, he decided to do the outside and what he wanted first was a hood scoop. Not an abnormal thing back then. Everyone either had one, was getting one or wanted one. So Dave worked for weeks and then spent his money on that hood scoop for his car. But picture this now, Dave didn’t have a Mustang or a Camero. No, he had a powder blue Ford Pinto. HA! My dad truly laughed at loud when Dave came up the drive in his pimped out pinto with the spray paint black hood scoop attached to it. Of course the hood scoop was just for show, but we really didn’t care because it was Dave and he was cool.

Anyway, I sat in the front straddling the gear shifter with Dave driving and Brian in the passenger seat. Don’t ask me why I didn’t sit in the back.. I was 16-17 years old.. There’s no good reason why I did anything. Brian didn’t talk much but he was so hot he really didn’t need to. Dave on the other hand was just as Chatty-Kathy as always. He told me about how Brian had just moved here from Alabama. I asked if he was going to be going to our high school and they just looked at each other in a weird way. Dave tried to cover it up by saying something cool like ‘sure, maybe, if the school will let him in with his record’. I should have asked what the deal was then, but I didn’t really care so I changed the subject.

We talked about “Rabbit“. Brian wasn’t sure about the game so Dave and I explained it to him. He seemed to really be interested in the game. He wanted to know where you could hide, who would be in the car, how long could you stay hidden and stuff like that. We told him that we drew names and cars to see who went with who, (it was only fair because some had better cars or CB’s than others and we didn’t want the same people winning every time). We told him that the object of the game was to find the deepest, darkest corner of the woods and sit there until the sun came up. If you did and noone found you, you won. Of course you didn’t really win anything, it wasn’t like you got a prize. But you did get bragging rights. Brian said something then that should have struck the fear of God in me and looking back it might have…it just might have. It certainly struck something inside of Dave because when I think about it now, for the rest of that night, Dave tried to keep a close watch on Brian. He tried to make sure Brian was never alone with any of the girls, especially me, and just didn’t seem as happy to have him around as he was when he first picked me up.

I didn’t see any of that then. I was too young. Looking forward to too much fun. Drinking, smoking, laughing.. And Brian really was just way to hot .

“So what do you win if noone finds you?” He asked. Me and Dave just kinda shrugged our shoulders and Dave said “Nothing…You just get a chance to rag everyone for spending the night looking for you.”

“Can people hear you.. I mean, if you don’t have the CB talk button pressed, can people just drive by and hear you. You could just sit there and not make a sound and they wouldn‘t know you were there, right?”

Dave looked at him oddly when he said this. I wasn’t paying too much attention to them though, the only thing I was interested in was looking at my make-up in the rearview. I said “No, noone can hear you if you’re out far enough. And even if you aren’t and you have CB like Dave’s or Mike’s it will show a ‘strength’ signal, so if the strength is all red you know someone’s close by and you just shut the fuck up and wait for them to either find you or drive away.”

Brian looked straight at Dave. Neither of them blinked and then Brian said “Oh, well in that case… I’ll definitely get a prize”

….

There just wasn’t much in the news to write about this week, so I sat down and decided to let you in a little bit. If you liked it, if it interested you, if it didn’t bore you to tears and if you want me to tell you about the rest of that night, leave a comment letting me know. I’m not going to promise anything, tho because who knows what will be in the news for the next issue…

Well that’s not true, I do promise something…I promise that if you do want more, it’s not going to be an easy ride. . It’s not going to give you a warm fuzzy feeling or make you nod in agreement with me or even solicit a rare Laugh out Loud. I’m not sure of much, but I am sure of that. *shrug*

If it sucked and you really couldn’t care less…… then fuck off and go read Dear Abby…(HA! j/k.)

But seriously, leave a comment no matter what your opinion… because the majority wins the outcome…….

… comes in a pump bottle. The woman rubs the small dot of gel into the skin of her upper arm. Over the next 24 hours, the gel’s testosterone seeps into her bloodstream, boosting her energy and libido….

UVa. Tests Viagra-Like Drug for Women

ok……. sounds good so far.

They are looking for test-women who’ve had their ovaries removed and because of that have no sex drive… this stuff is said to have …led to a 283 percent increase of satisfying sexual encounters for the women taking the drug..

but it’s the last part of that sentence and this next one that I laugh at loud at….

“A lot of women have this problem, but unfortunately they’ve been largely ignored by pharmaceutical companies,” said BioSante’s chief executive, Stephen M. Simes. “It’s not fair that women have no drugs, while men have many.”

Yeah.. Let that sit there and simmer a minute……. Wait for it….wait….

increase of satisfying sexual encounters… A lot of women have this problem…

hmmmmmmmmm…… so now it’s the woman’s fault that men don’t know enough or care enough about her anatomy to actually do it right? Forever women have been told (here I go again with that women-shit-ha) that sex is a ‘mans’ thing… for him to enjoy and her to bear… Maybe men heard this also and that’s why they never bothered to actually learn that it takes a little more than pushing in and out a cpl times to get a woman off… Women through the years have learned how to ‘fake it’ so their partners won’t feel bad and they themselves won’t be seen as cold-dead-freaks… but now there is a gel that’s going to be the magic elixir to fix all of this?

Yeah right… Sure… What it’s going to do is engorge the clit to an abnormal level, make her hypersensitive to ‘touch’ so that when the lousy lay just sticks it in and wiggles around a little she’ll get off by default from his ‘happy-patch‘ rubbing against her….

Sure, lets pump ourselves full of more dope instead of actually educating people on what to do and how to do it.

Now I’m not talking about all women or all men for that matter. Some women actually do have a real problem enjoying sex even if it’s with Don Juan…and some men are Don Juan. I’m talking about the regular Joe and Jane. He thinks he’s Don Juan and she knows he’s really Don Juanta-jab-needles-in-my-eyes-because-it’s-more-fun-than-fucking-you.

Education is what Joe needs and a back-bone and voice is what Jane needs. When a child ties his shoes the wrong way we teach him the right way. When a teenage boy changes a tire the wrong way we teach him the right way. When an adult male can’t post a .jpeg correctly, we teach him how. But when a man thinks a clitoris is just for peeing through and a ’slam-bam hump,hump,hump.hump-ahhhh’ is what women want, we shut the hell up and say “you were so hot, I came like 4 times!” *bangs head on table*

Of course like “X” and “V” it will be fun to try… fun to see if it does give an “increase of satisfying sexual encounters” but what happens when the guy is still a lousy fuck? When he can’t get her off with 2 hands,a tongue and a Rabbit? What will the women who are looking for a magic bullet do then? What insecurities will they suffer because it just has to be their fault?

Fuck that… I loved a guy once who was great in every way… I thought he was great in bed too and that I must have some sort of problem… this went on for a year or so until we broke up and I went out with a friend of his that I had had a crush on… after a couple dates we wound up back at his house and I learned a few things…. 1st was that I wasn’t the one with the problem.. oh no..no-no! HA! and 2nd, that sex actually is fun….

Like I said…. I loved the boyfriend with everything that I had in me… but when it came time to get back together.. the sex did play a part in why we didn’t… I still talk to him on occasion and he still asks me back when we talk… and while he fulfilled everything else in me and is one of a very few ppl that know me to my core and still wants me-( ) when I daydream of what life would be like if I ran off with him, I always come back to “Yeah, but he’s a lousy fuck… and if I’m going to go out and fuck some guy why would I waste it on a shitty one?”