The Harbinger

So I have good news and bad news…well technically it is only one bit of news, but for a few of you it will be bad news and for most of you it will be good news.

The is the last Hott Something article I am going to write.

OK…enough with the clapping and cheering already.

It looks like I am going to be going off the grid. I am buying a sailboat and I am going to sail around the Caribbean sea. My carbon foot print is going to be zero. Everything is already set in motion. The house is sold it is just a matter of signing the papers. The boat is all lined up and ready to sail.

So far there are only a few problems. First, my wife doesn’t want to go. I am not sure what she is going to do…but when you get right down to she isn’t my problem. My next problem, and probably the biggest one, is the lack of internet access. I figure when I dock somewhere I can get on at some public library or something…the thing is…porn. How the fuck am I going to get my porn. I think I might have a solution to both of these problems worked out but it kind of all rests on finding a hot chick who likes to sail and be naked.

My final problem…I have no idea how to fucking sail. I am not too worried about it cause I figure there is going to be some kind of manual that comes with the boat, and I am pretty good at reading manuals and stuff. So that should be no big deal, plus I ordered a subscription to Sailboat Weekly. I am really curious to see how the post office delivers mail to people floating around in the ocean. Man this is all so exciting.

So I bet you guys are thinking the hippies won. I am worried about the big thaw and want to be ahead of the game right. HA! No seriously HA! No the fact is I am flat out fucking broke…I got some little issues with…hmmm let’s just call it debt. So I figure my best way out is to disappear. Plus I figure Big Tony is not too good a swimmer.

So anyway since I am not going to have internet access…or electricity for that matter, I am going to have a hard time writing my article. So it is without much regret that I leave you for a few final bits.

This by the way is some of the most ironical stuff I have ever come across in all my global warming research. If this global warming stuff is real, then just about every other hippie cause is bad for global warming.

For example….

Organic cows? Organic cows make less milk per cow and each organic cow is putting out more gas…methane gas that is “bad”.

Old growth forests? But but but trees consume CO2 right? Well recent studies have shown that old trees actually give off more CO2 than they consume. HA!

Here is the best one…hippies are always getting arrested over this shit. Nuclear power. Nuclear power is really really fucking green! Nuclear power has like 0 carbonemissions. So if lets go nuclear! By the way, you can’t buy a nuclear powered sailboat, I already checked.

Bon voyage!

Emil Gee is is a GAS.
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