The Harbinger

Last Minute Eats? More like last minute writing. This is all you get, my friends.

There’s this wonderful place in a neighborhood on the other side of my neighborhood. While the super-grocery-store closest to me is, shall we say, sufficient, there’s a severe lack of good shit there. This writer will explore the difference between the two tonight.

Produce ~ (1) Raw, chilled edamame as a cold non-sweet snack is SO much better for me than cheese. I haven’t done any research into the cooking of these morsels, but as a little muchie I love it. Yes, “Dear Readers” I’ve had those wonderful wasabi edamame. Love them, along with the chocolate covered ones, but the rawness gives a certain ‘tooth’ that makes my mouth feel as though I’m actually eating something substantial. (2) Wanton wrappers. Nuff said. (3) Cheese. Oh, good LORD, the cheeses. This is where I find my garlic Boursin. If you like a soft cheese, this one’s for you. On a Triscuit cracker, there’s crunchy goodness. Spread it on an onion roll then add some warm roast beef and you have a Dunderbach sammich reminiscent of the 70’s in the mall of your choice. (4) Some THING. It was HUGE and I’d never seen one before: Pummelo. It’s a giant friggin’ grapefruit! We didn’t buy one because of the price, but this sucker was a gigantor. A mutation, if you will. I will try this soon. (4) CUSTOMER SERVICE. The dude was in the department. Visible. Available. And knew what the hell he was talking about! I was pleased.

Bakery ~ I love bread. All types. (1) Italian Sandwich Bread is something from the Gods. Toasts well, a bit salty but soft inside. (2) Seeded/Unseeded rye. One cannot produce a decent Reuben Sandwich without this. Period. (3) Sunflower Seed bread. Meal in itself. (4) CUSTOMER SERVICE. The chick was in the department. Visible. Available. And knew what the hell she was talking about! Even offered to have a manager call me about something I remember from DC. Black Bread (not pumpernickle). If anyone knows where I can find this, let me know. I was stunned.

Meats ~ Oooooh… MEAT. *I love the meat* (1) Buffalo is available here, as well as non-frozen free range poultry. Not that it matters, that free range and/or non-frozen stuff. I’m gonna freeze it anyway, for Pete’s Sake. And free range? Tough. (2) Pork chops. They were being served with stuffing, people… who doesn’t love an appetizer while shopping? I didn’t buy what he was selling because I already had some, but I was eating meat! (3) Pre-made meals. Stick it in the oven BAYBEE! I picked up a mozzarella stuffed flank steak (with spinach). Papa didn’t think it was appetizing at all, but I look forward to making this for just me. (4) CUSTOMER SERVICE. The dude was in the department. Visible. Available. And knew what the hell he was talking about! I was amazed.

Dairy ~ Milk by the gallon is at an all-time high (friggin’ greedy cows). But (1) the selection of yogurts at this store is absolutely amazing. I don’t even LIKE yogurt and wanted to pick up a couple of containers for the office-breakfast. (2) Brown Eggs. If you have never had brown eggs, they RAWK in any way you choose to prepare them. Brown eggs have a deep brilliance of flavor that white eggs lack. (3) CUSTOMER SERVICE. The dude was in the department. Visible. Available. And could probably answer any question you might like to ask! I was flabbergasted.

Checkout ~ (1) There was an efficient person at the beep-beep scanner. This wasn’t a new employee, nor was it a slow one. That beep-beep sounded like just one long beeeeeeeep while we were checking out. God, I love that. (2) This employee actually asked if there was anything I couldn’t find. (3) Because there was something I wanted that they didn’t have, she actually called a manager. (4) The manager fukkin’ showed up immediately. Holy CRAP! (5) I mentioned that they didn’t carry the such-and-such dog food that Our Fatness Canine seemed to prefer and was asked about the product and my goddamn phone number! *Mama shakes head* I mean, he wasn’t after me or anything, this guy actually said they’d call me when the product came in. Holy CRAPPPPP! Which brings me to (6) CUSTOMER SERVICE. The dude was there. He was nice. He actually acted like he wanted to make ME happy (I AM that hott, y’know). And? I was mesmerized.

So, the moral of this story is: If you happen to be shopping at your closest grocery, it might be time to explore the world beyond. One never knows what delights await your gastronomic adventures. Seek out the chain-store that suits your palate, my friends

By the way: When the hell did going to the grocery store with your husband become a friggin’ DATE? Oy Vey, I say. Oy Vey. (mmmmmMMMMM Jewish food!)

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