The Harbinger

So I’m sitting around the house, making a poll about my cat on LiveJournal…you know, serious stuff. Just got done working out and was looking forward to a nice hot shower when the power goes out. I hear a bunch of commotion outside with emergency vehicles and sirens. Then in passing, I see some guy outside one of my windows. I had to defend myself so I grabbed a stack of business cards and went outside.

He was already in his Lack Of Progress Energy truck, writing something down.

“Excuse me, what’s going on here?”

“Failure to make a payment, service disruption order in.”

This guy is obviously paid for his communication skills.

“There has to be a mistake, I just paid the bill Friday.”

“Don’t know about that. Order in.”

“Can you check on it?”

“Call them.”

“Call them with what phone? You just cut my power off.”

“Cell phone?”

“Touché, douche, but you have a computer right there, can’t you check the account?”

“Just doing job. Can’t you?”

“Sure, with my computer that is off and my internet that’s been rendered useless because someone turned my power off.”

“Not my concern.”

So in my preparation to slash his tires with my switchblade, I noticed his tab on his browser set to a satellite radio forum and his Sirius plug in contraption. Getting real close and conveying the best friendly countenance I could muster under the circumstances, I approach the vehicle again.

“Say, you listen to Sirius in your car?”

“Mostly. Sometimes off the computer.”

“Have you ever heard of SomaCow?”

“No.”

So I handed him a card, talked about our mutual disdain for terrestrial radio and pissed on his door handle while he was giving me a stalwart “Stern Rules.” He was off, but not before I could light a bottle of Valentina Tereshkova (dubbed Gary’s Ass Blaster Lager by Iceman) and throw it in his cab.

Then I called the company and found out that I did owe them money. A lot of it. Almost exactly the amount I’d just paid. Oh wait, it’s because they double billed me. Yippee.

So she tells me that she’ll just have the guy turn around and turn the power back on. Whoops. Guess I’ll have to wait until the next crew can get here, that guy’s toast. If he’s not dead he’s in a bar already, having been tempted by my intense home brew to seek out further liquid libations. I hear her computer in the background…

“So, you like videogames or stuff like that?”

“Yeah, I’m a level bajillionty on Scars of Snorecraft.”

“Well then, have I got a show for you…”

Sometimes, getting the power turned off can be a blessing. Even if it’s a mistake.

Most times though, it’s just some prick who cannot properly convey meaning to message that does you in.

Gary is
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