The Harbinger

Paging Mr. Jablowme, Paging Mr. Haywood Jablowme. Your bottle of Stoli is properly chilled.

Mr. Jablowme has evolved over years… kinda. He’s the same guy as he was back in the WTKS webboard, but the name has changed a bit every now and then. It slipped to Darth Haywood, to Darth, to Reverend Darth, with a few other names in between depending on the season and his interests (anybody remember Darth Swearengen? How about Bishop, Santa, and “playa”?).

Escaping into the virtual world from the bitch he “fondly” calls Cunt-ex, the webboard became a second home. Even after the raping he withstood during the divorce (and it will continue for a while until his youngest mutant, CuntInTraining, turns 18), he decided to stick around. Gotta have somewhere to get out those frustrations.

Using my wayback machine (and a couple of turncoat minions and the search engine on the webboard), I have found that he was a bartender in
Daytona Beach at one point, banging young sluts all the time. That might have been when he got shot, but, well, maybe his minions don’t remember everything.

He has a long history with Real Radio. He has played in DRG’s Bogey Nights, without anybody but Dirty Jim knowing it was him. He has made a few radio personalities want to kick his ass. But, since they didn’t know who he was, they sat around bars and bullshit with their “enemy’ clueless. Black Bean almost got his first misdemeanor at one Miss Monster when somebody pointed “Darth” out in the crowd. Later in the day they had to watch their intern Tuddle do his stunts with “Darth Inc.” written boldly on his back.

That wasn’t the only time he had a large presence at a Monster event. He had a banner flown over Miss Monster saying “2003 MOM MOTEL 6 PKNG LOT BITHLO FL TKMSTR NOW!!!” (Dirty Jim successfully talked him out of “ Savannah, Marry Me… Tubby” because they were about to break up). He had “Sullivan Brand Tampons” beach balls printed up for Miss Monster at the Plaza one year (I think I still have mine). He even got a pic of it up on the Orena JumboTron.

He even made Savannah cry on air one time. He was nice enough to send her flowers to make up for it, but Russ took all the credit. “Typical Tubby move”. Being the charitable bastard he is, he donated money to draw Savannah nude. Once again, nobody knew it was him.

He has made to a few “sub-human” events (he had to pick up Spinner somehow, didn’t he?). Only a few have gotten to know him in person. But it has been noted that he is the same in person as he is on the board. He is very private about his personal life, letting only a select few get to know him. Not everybody understands him, and who knows how some people would react (see Black Bean above). He has been “dating” (banging?) Spinner for a few years now, and it hasn’t changed his mind a bit about the female sex of the sub-human species.

His favorite things are: Vodka (usually Stoli, but anything will do in a pinch), head, pussy, anal (no, not the kind the Dr gave him when he got his asshole sewed up), cigarettes, making money, his children, golf, Sirius radio, good food, porn, pain pills, rollercoasters, Halloween, sluts, fuckin with tards/freaks/perverts (which of course includes the religious), and not necessarily in that order.

His dislikes are: Howey, British Redneck, Hooper, DBo, PoisonPen, DRG, nancys, weeny waggers, vapid whores, money grubbing kike lawyers, niggrahs, .

Ask not what his real name is (other than his middle name is “Bob”). Ask not what he does for a living. Ask not where he lives (well, ask not where his box he lives in currently is). Ask not what your cunt can do for you, but what you can do for your cunt!

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