I totally understand where Artie is and it is a dark place. When you listen to him talk about his dad you totally get the feeling that he loved him. Couple that with his mother and sister (and to a certain extent Artie) putting him in the role of surrogate husband and father drove Artie to succeed. He never dealt with his father's death, and he has resentment mixed with guilt toward his mother, sister, and himself for having to take on the role as well. All that makes him one funny and successful comedian, alcoholic, and drug addict.
I lost a child, and I dealt with it by trying to drown myself with alcohol, and in the darkest hours of the night thought about ending my pain. I couldn't deal with my ex, or my son. They needed me, but emotionally I was unavailable, and the decent into alcoholism was fabulous. (for a while) When you get to the point where drink and drugs will no longer kill the pain you have two choices.....kill yourself, or walk away from the darkness with a stronger, more focused determination to right what is wrong in your life. When I got to that point I asked myself who I wanted to kill myself for, and what purpose would it serve if I did. There would only be more grief for the people who I loved, and loved me, to deal with.
I have been seeing a therapist for over a year now and I have learned lessons from her my parents never taught me. I am learning to love and respect myself, accept that I deserve the things in life I have, accept the fact that people want to do things for me because they love me, and that I am worthy of their love. These are things Artie seems to resist (think back to the argument he had with Howard when Howard said he considered Artie his "bro") along with drowning his feelings with drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc....
I am an Artie fan and I hope he takes this as a turning point to rediscover himself, and reclaim who he is.
4 in the Freud was full of shit about my mother's tits.
That was well said, and very moving!
