it’s something…

I have a hammer, it is a nice hammer. An Estwing framing hammer. It fits very nicely in hand and the weight is good for me. the problem is I can’t fucking find it. I know it is in my garage somewhere, but my cursory searches for it have not turned it up. I realize that this means I should probably clean my garage, because I am sure if I cleaned the garage it would turn up, but I have been pretty lazy lately and just haven’t felt like getting into. See the garage isn’t that bad off right now, but if I start cleaning then I am going to start on some other projects and I will end up out there all day…

So on Sunday I was at Lowes, I love Lowes by the way, anyway I was walking around and remembered that I needed a hammer. Yes…I said need. Well until I can find my hammer I have no hammer, and I need to have a hammer…what the fuck is so hard to understand about that…jeez. Anyway as I said, my hammer is a framing hammer. That means it is a bit longer than the average hammer and probably weighs a bit more too. It is meant for heavy pounding..driving big long nails into 2×4’s…not always so good for more delicate banging. So since I needed a hammer anyway, I decided to pickup a “regular” hammer.

Seeing as how I have a good hammer, it has been a while since I looked at hammers. Wow! They have some pretty cool hammers now.

“Patented torsion control grip technology”

“Patented AntiVibe® technology”

“Graphite core provides strength and durability”

“Has the “feel” of wood but with overstrike protection”

Some really cool shit man. It is great how technology is making pounding on shit better. Hell they even have hammers that will hold the nail for you so you don’t pound on your fingers. So all this tech laid out in front of me…how do I decide which one to get…

It’s a fucking hammer…I don’t need technology I need to pound on stuff! So I got an old school Estwing like the one I used to use when I spent my high school summers working as a carpenter’s helper.

Tonight I found myself watching the Amazing Race…I must say that I am not sure why they call it “Amazing”…something like “The Annoying Race” would be more accurate. One annoying couple after the other jesus fuck. They whined and whined…oy! I don’t know what else to say about that except that they played with rats to win a prize.

Something much more interesting is the pet food recall. This is some fucked up shit man. So they think that certain canned dog and cat food is causing kidney failure that has ended in death for some animals. Well I am not sure who exactly who “they” are, but the company that made the food, despite issuing the recall, isn’t admitting that the food caused the deaths. They are saying…well we tested some stuff and can’t find a problem, but hey around the time the pets started getting sick we had just started using a new ingredient from a new supplier and stuff…so hey…uhh we don’t think it is all related and stuff but we stopped using them anyway just in case, and oh yeah you may not want to feed your dog that food…but really it isn’t our fault…or something.

Fuckers…

Luckily we don’t have any “tainted” food in our house. They fucked up thing…the thing that has me most pissed off…I have always bought “natural” food thinking that I am buying them the “best” stuff I could. It isn’t expensive boutique shit, but it isn’t the cheap shit either. For years I have only used dry food, but last year we adopted an old dog who has recently started having trouble chewing the dry food so we started getting cans in the same brand. Jeez enough fucking background already…onto what pisses me off…

So this recall lists “Ol’Roy” in the recall as well as the brand I use. If you don’t know Ol’Roy is the name of Sam Walton’s dog. Sam Walton is the dude who started Walmart and they named their line of dog products after Sam’s dog. So here I am buying what I think is the best food I can get for my dog, and it is rolling off the fucking line right next to the cheap shit.

Guess I might as well save the 30 fucking cents a can…

OK, do you know how hard it is to write something everyday and not have it turn into one of those blogs. See the thing is I am not really a writer, this guy, he’s a writer…I’m not.

I am just a hack who dumps words on the page. Sometimes I manage to throw some of them together in a manner that some people find humorous. Other times I struggle…like now. It is these times…times like now, where I have to fight the fight.

How do I come up with stupid shit to write about without writing about the stupid shit that nobody really wants to read. Any dumb fuck can write about their day. And I may be a dumb fuck, but I don’t want to be just any dumb fuck…I want to be special damn it!

Fuck I don’t even think I care if you like what I am writing as long as you acknowledge that it is something different. In fact you can hate it as long as you don’t lump me in with those blogs. Cause as shitty as this may be I really am making an effort to try and not fall into the rut of talking about my day.

Anyway today was pretty uneventful, I went to the post office and picked up the mail, got gas in the car. Oh yeah and I picked up a 44oz Coke at the gas station (got to have my caffeine…LOL). Then I stopped at the library to drop off some books and DVD’s. While I was there I picked up a couple more DVD’s…I actually brought home The Devil Wears Prada…can you believe it…I felt so gay taking it up to the counter LOL, but my wife and daughter want to see it. :)

Then I drove home to pick up the girls so we could get some groceries….ZZZZZzzzzzz

I have a headache…a great big fucking headache, and her name is…kidding…I am just kidding jeez relax. Man you chicks are so fucking sensitive.

Anyway I really do have a headache…a really bad one. I don’t really know what there is to say about it. I mean can you really write a whole blog post about having a headache. I mean well, I know that you can, but can you do it and make it something that isn’t just a bunch of fucking whining and shit?

Let’s see I guess first you would have to mention that you have a headache.

Then maybe make a stupid joke that is only funny because it is a stupid joke and anybody that knows you knows that you made the joke to be ironical or something.

Then maybe you could talk about how you don’t want to whine about having a headache, but the fact is that it is almost like migraine so it really bares mentioning.

I guess then you could do a bit about how you could do a bit about doing a bit about doing a bit…wait that’s not right…fuck it you know what I am getting at.

Then you would have to wrap up because the pain is so bad you are having trouble concentrating.

Eh…I don’t think it will work, so I will just have to come up with something else, or just go to bed and try to get ride of this headache.

This is a new day for my blog. I have decided that I need to crack down and be serious.

No more foolishness. So from now on we will only be covering important topics.

Stuff that matters.

Stuff that people care about.

No more silly rants about stupid shit.

So for my first serious post I have decided to talk about something that is of utmost importance to every person out there. Mother fucking pain in the motherfucking ass piece of mother fucking shit windows automatic updates! On second thought I guess this doesn’t apply to linux users and you uppity Mac people are using linux…get over it already.

So yes it is a good idea to send people important updates and make it easy to install them, but really why the fuck can’t they figure out this having to reboot shit. At least…at a fucking minimum they could tell you before you agree to install the update…”Hey fuck face after this update installs you will be nagged endlessly about rebooting”.

I am a programmer and I hate it when users ask for shit that doesn’t make sense, but is it so much to ask for them to check if the person is actually doing something and not popup a fucking reminder ever fucking 15 seconds? If I am typing something there is no fucking reason I should get my typing interrupted so that I can be reminded that I need to reboot.

Of course if they could just figure out how to update shit without requiring a reboot in the first place that would be even better…

It is another one of those days…

One of those days when I enter the room with nothing to say…

But I look around and there are people sitting around waiting to see what I will say…

So, I have to say something, even if what I am saying is really nothing…

But sometimes when I say nothing it is way better than when I say something…

Wait, is it then or than…

See that is something I could say…

But at this point it would be better to just say nothing…

People are always saying something…

Maybe I can be that guy that always says nothing…

So there you have it nothing…or was it something?

I mowed my grass today. This is a nice time of year to mow the grass. The temps are nice and stuff…you know not too hot, not too cold. No bugs to speak of and stuff. I even trimmed some hedges…I don’t know what kind of plants they are but these fuckers grow their ass off. I trimmed them like 2 months ago or something and they had growed like 18 inches or something.

Anyway, it was kind of good to come home from work and not plop my ass down and start watching TV.

This is pretty lame…this is the kind of shit when I read it I am like why the fuck does this fuck think that I care about his fucking grass…and now that fuck is me…jesus I am turning into one of them…you know…them.

Surely you know them…well maybe you don’t know them, but you know of them for sure. There are ass tons of them on the myspaces. Oh man and what is that other one…”LG” or something…I think that one was created just for them, maybe even by them. (FTBT) Really…you have to know them.

By the way…if you are a fan of mine you most certainly can’t be a fan of them.

Wait…let me say that another way…if you like them…please stop reading now. No not just this post…everything. I can’t stand the thought of my garbage being diluted by their garbage.

I think I am going to make some toast…

I am so fucking sleepy. Getting used to this time change blows, but I would much rather have the hour of daylight at the end of the day. I don’t understand why we ever waste any daylight on the morning.

Yeah don’t even start you fucking pain in the ass morning people…I don’t want to hear.

If you want to get your happy ass out of bed before 7:00 am, then you should just have to deal with the fucking sun not being up when you hop out of bed.

Of course when I got up at 7:30 it was still kind of dark which does make it harder to get up, but if the time wasn’t flipping all over the fucking place it wouldn’t be as big of a deal.

Fuck it…I’m going to bed.

So the time changed last night…and for some reason the world was supposed to end. OK not really, but many ‘experts’ claimed that there would be issues because computers didn’t know about the new schedule.

When I got up this morning I figured that I would have to adjust my clock, but it turned out to be correct…hmmm.

So I was out on the street and figured I would swing by my office and make sure the servers had the correct time…one right, two right….hmmm….three right…oh #4 is wrong…and the webserver…right also.

OK so what the fuck is going on here! I am looking for a fucking crisis and I have one machine that isn’t right…experts my fucking ass. I guess the experts forgot that most servers are and just about every computer with XP are set to check their time against a time server and adjust the clock automatically.

Neat huh?

Oh…what is a time server? Well for the most part it is any computer connected to the internet and is running an NTP service. So in theory if every computer is checking another computer to make sure it has the right time, you could change the time on one computer and it would cascade to every computer in the WORLD!

The computer that didn’t have the right time? Ah yes, well that box is running an older version windows, in their infinite wisdom MS didn’t see the need to preconfigure the older version to update the clock with a time server. So when I set that box up to connect to the time server, I only configured it to connect once a week. I think it is supposed to connect on Sunday nights or Monday mornings, but I can’t remember for sure, so I changed it manually just in case it is scheduled to update Friday night…I could have done it in the morning, but it runs the time clock software, and I would rather not hear the bitching from the people that start work before me.

Thank you for tuning into this issue of Tech Talk with MLG…or something.

WOW!!!

Just WOW!

You people never cease to amaze me, the response to yesterday’s blog was overwhelming. As a matter of fact it was so overwhelming that I decided to delete it. I apologize to those of you who didn’t get to read it, but I had no idea that that subject was so controversial…I mean really who would have thunk that out of all the stupid stuff I have written that talking about XXXXXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXXX would get people SO worked up. (I am not even going to dare mention the mess from Thursday’s entry…oops…forget you read that…moving on.)

It really is crazy.

Anyway, let’s just put all of that behind us OK. We really shouldn’t let what happened in the past bring us down. We need to live in the present. Live for the now. No sense dwelling on the past. What’s done is done. One day at a time…wait is that really about living in the moment?

I guess it depends on how the drunk that is saying it thinks. If they are focused on tomorrow…”just have to make it to tomorrow” then that is not really in the moment if you ask me, but if they are more “I am not drunk now, we will worry about tomorrow tomorrow” then that would be living in the now. Fuck you! I know it is only a subtle difference, but there is a difference. And for your fucking information, if you think about it, it isn’t all that subtle once you scratch the surface.

See it is all about perspective. It is like the half full/half empty thing…

Shit this is one of those moments where I have all this brilliant insight on something stuck in my head, but I can’t get it to come out in words.

Fuck it, you don’t need me to spell it out for you, you either get it or you don’t…and really all of that up there is already in the past now, and no point crying over spilled milk now is there. (I can’t believe I got one more in.)