it’s something…

I had a dream last night…I don’t remember it, but I remember dreaming…at least I think I remember dreaming…

Actually I hardly ever remember my dreams. I can remember bits and pieces, but hardly ever more than that. Well for about a minute after I wake up from a dream I can remember it, but I guess I don’t really make a mental note to remember them beyond that.

One thing I know…my dreams are written by some guy who used to write for TV shows in the 80’s. You know like the A-Team or MacGyver…

See whenever I have a dream where I get into some kind of gun fight…bullets flying everywhere…and nobody ever gets shot. My dreams are ready for 80’s prime time…well except for nudity and sex. I guess that is why he got fired from working in TV…having the lead (me) character stop to have sex with some bimbo in the middle of big time gun fight is not good for TV. Wait…that happens all the time on TV, well not so often on TV but movies. It happens all the time in movies. Bang Bang…Bang OH AH Bang harder Bang Bang Bang…

Now that I think about, he prolly got fired cause his shows are so fucking forgettable. The only thing I can remember from his “shows”, are my shitty marksmanship and sex.

It would seem that I have nothing to blog about…

So…uhhh…

Hi…

What’s up?

So anyway…I did this thing today, but I don’t really want to talk about it.

There was that other thing too, but that is pretty boring…

Did I tell you I am a TV junkie?

Oh…I remember…I was reminded last night of how shitty I am at this writing thing. Def Poetry…now those are some talented motherfuckers right there. Mos Def. They make me want to write poetry, but I can’t write poetry so I just write this stupid shit, and of course the other stupid shit.

But hey at least I am writing something…or something.

Oh yeah…I am writing this of my own free will…I refuse to admit that I have been manipulated!

I watch a lot of TV, too much in fact, but it is really my only vice. I am a TV junkie. I am pretty confident that I am not the only TV junkie in my generation, in fact I would guess that there are quite a few of us. See most of our parents were born in the fifties, they were the first ones to grow up with TV, so when their kids came along they plopped our toddling little asses down in front of the TV…free babysitting.

As far as I can remember my parents never did anything irresponsible, and I got outside to play often enough, but I don’t remember that my parents ever discouraged me from watching TV unless it was to punish me for fucking up in school. And when I say fucking up I mean not doing homework…like any homework for a whole grade period or something along those lines. But this is about TV and not my slacking in school…

So…I am a junkie, and this has been a pretty good year for my habit. I really like Heroes it is a good show and getting better. House is one of the best characters on TV. This season also brought a big surprise.

See I never watched the West Wing. It just never made it onto my radar. And Friends…I watched it a few times, but overall it was just annoying. So I am not even sure how they got me to tune into Studio 60 the first time, but I did and I liked it. I liked it every week. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it is the best show of the season, but it is certain one of the best. But the show has problems…problems getting people to watch the show, and now they are on hiatus…

Now I have a problem. I have written…wrote…whatever…I am in a corner and I am not sure how to get out of it. I can’t figure how to tie it all up and get out with something witty or profound…man I suck at this.

Fuck it, this junkie hopes they don’t cancel Studio 60…or something.

So I had to make two trips to Publix today…I didn’t buy the right bread, what the fuck do I know, brown bread is brown bread…”we don’t like multi-grain”…multi what? Jesus…just give me the store brand white bread and I am perfectly happy.

So anyway I made two trips to Publix…in other words I was assaulted a total of 4 times. Attacked each time I dared cross the threshold. If you have been to the grocery store in the last few weeks I am sure that you are familiar with the evil little monsters that have taken up post outside your favorite purveyor. With sad little eyes that belie their evil nature, these green vest monsters that attempt to spread their evil to every home in the country. In the past it was easy to avoid these creature, because they would attempt to confront you in your own home, where it is easy to hide from them, but apparently at some point in recent years someone in the organization had an epiphany. They figured out something that bums and other professional beggers figured out years ago…everyone has to buy food.

So now they camp outside local grocery stores confronting shoppers who just need a loaf of bread and tempt them with tasty cookies. So you smile and say no thank you and they punch you in the stomach with guilt and jesus if the ones in green vests can’t get the job done they send in the brown vested ninjas of guilt to kick you in the nuts.

That’s right, I am talking about that cookie slinging institution of evil, The Girl Scouts!

And I am not the only one who thinks this either. One of the notable critics of the Girl Scouts is the American Family Association. That’s right the good old AFA agrees with me! The Girl Scouts are evil! Of course they have different reasons for arriving at this conclusion than I do, but fuck it, an ally is an ally. OK so maybe the reasons that the AFA doesn’t like the Girl Scouts are good reasons to like them, but but…

Fuck!

I DON’T WANT TO BUY ANY FUCKING COOKIES!

But see you can’t really say that to a Girl Scout…cause people look at you funny…

Shit I should have bought some cookies, cause today was the last day…

Derivative insight…I have been thinking about that shit all afternoon and you know what I don’t even know what the fuck that is supposed to mean. I figure it must be some shit that is too deep for me to get…intellectual mumbo jumbo.

I am not into all that deep introspective, look inside yourself and tell me what you see type shit. Last night this annoying bitch kept asking me to answer these fucking survey questions. You know the ones..”If you had to spend the entire day alone with no TV, radio, internet, etc You would a) Kill yourself cause you are fucking needy freak. b) Braid your leg hairs c) Thank go that you don’t have some pain in the ass bitch asking you stupid surveys d) What?” What?

I don’t do introspective…OK I have done it on occasion, but my insides are pretty fucking boring…I could be watching TV or looking at porn, or looking at porn while watching TV, even looking at porn while watching TV and ignoring my wife’s fucking rambling about whatever the fuck it is that she is rambling about.

See look at this shit…I trying to right some deep intellectual mumbo jumbo shit and it is still just shit…

So I think it is better if I just keep writing the shit that I normally write and let you dig around it to find the gems…or something.

I had some shit I wanted to write about tonight, but I forgot to write it…oh well.

So I would have blogged tonight, but I ended up writing something for something else instead so sorry…No blog today!

So he pokes me with a stick then doesn’t even bother to read the shit…puh!

So somebody thinks they can get me to blog everyday, but they are fucking crazy. I can’t be manipulated that easily. Just because he is part of some kind of syndicate, he thinks he can intimidate people into doing what he wants them to do.

Well I am here to say I cannot, will not, be intimidated or manipulated into doing something just because he challenged me to do it.

The audacity to think that I am so weak willed that he merely had to challenge me to write everyday. The only reason I am writing this one is to say that I won’t be doing it again. I have free will damn it and I am using my free will to write this to tell you that I will be using my free will to not write tomorrow.

See if I had something to say it wouldn’t be such a big deal, but if I had something to say it wouldn’t have taken me eleven months or whatever to write something. So now I am sitting here…knee deep in this blog with nothing left to comment on.

So…how about that weather…uh….or something.

Today someone was giving me shit because I have not blogged, essentially saying that I suck. This of course coming from someone who setup a website installed wordpress and even made a nifty graphic, but has yet to post a word in what has it been 6 month? OK to be fair he has been blogging on another site, and doing some other writing, but then again I have been doing some other writing too.

So not being one to back down from a reasonable challenge, I am presently blogging. The problem, other than a shameless plug, that I have already handled, I really have nothing to write about. So I have to sit here and pull some shit out of my ass to make this look like something more than a shameless plug and hacked up piece of shit to buy myself another year of not blogging.

Oh did you hear about the XM/Sirius merger? Yeah me too…

What else? Oh yeah Anna Nicole is dead and Britney is crazy…

Hold on…I am thinking…let me see…hmm…

Fuck…I got nothing.

Daytona 500…no fuck that…

Bad Haitian drivers…eh

Fuck it…I will just…