it’s something…

Inspired by the tens of readers of this garbage that comes out of my head, I have been feeling motivated to put pen to paper so to speak and give you faithful readers new content. Maybe this fire that has been lit will burn for more than a few days…

The inspiration to write has spawned something else…reflection. Upon reflecting I realized something…I don’t think I am all that creative, when it comes to writing anyway. See I have a hard time coming up with something to right about, what you see here just happens. When I try to think about something to write and plan it out…”OK start here…mention that…end here”, it gets all fucked up. The problem may be that I just over think it or something, I don’t know. The funny thing is that I came to this conclusion based on my “Titles”. I am terrible coming up with creative titles. Even if I write 20 paragraphs of shit here pulling out a good title escapes me most of the time. I look at thisother guy’s titles and I am like “shit…that is a great title”. Sure he has a whole book of shit there that is pretty creative, but for whatever reason the titles are what got me thinking.

I don’t maybe I am completely off base, because I can create shit. Most things I can picture them in my head and then put them together, but that is more mechanical shit…like building a workbench for my garage or even writing a program. When I write a program I can sit down and plan out the basic structure of the whole thing in my head…I can almost see building blocks of the application in my head and weave them together, but words…words have always been a problem for me.

I have always had trouble with words. I always dreaded Fridays because that was the day for spelling test. Then once I got to whatever grade it is where they say your report, essay, whatever is “due Monday, double spaced and in pen“. IN PEN…oh fuck!! It is not that I have anything in particular against pens, but I can not write something without making a mistake…for as long as I can remember I have transposed b’s and d’s messed up g’s and j’s and spelled words wrong even when coping it from somewhere else. I also struggled with reading, at least reading quickly and comprehending what I had just read. Sometimes I would have to read something 2 or 3 times to “get it”. So this went on for 12-13 years of education. One day sitting in my dorm room I am watching the Cosby show, yes the Cosby show and they figure out that Theo has dyslexia. Dyslexia…I have heard of dyslexia before but the description you hear on TV never really fit with the reality of my problem, but on Cosby they mentioned a bunch of shit that I related to.

The funny thing is thinking back I don’t think it even clicked at that point, it took some time for it to sink in. “Wait a second…I am fucking dyslexic!” Then I got pissed…how the fuck did I make it through this much education and nobody fucking figured this out…I was a kid how the fuck was I supposed to figure out that I had a learning disability…shouldn’t someone along the way figured this out? I was pretty good at catching and correcting my mistakes, but when I was in school the class sizes where still pretty reasonable…hell in elementary school we had maybe 10-15 people in my class. I guess I am just lucky that I was smart enough to deal with my issues and now spell check is my freind.

Whoa shit…talk about a digression, like I was saying this is pretty much just a stream of consciousness (please note that if consciousness is spelled right, that is because spell checker fixed it, because I have no idea how to spell it right).

Anyway the bottom line is if you are coming here to read some well thought out creativity I am afraid you will be disappointed cause all you are going to get is whatever shit happens to come out of my head and onto the keyboard…or something.

Oh yeah…got a better title for me?